静かに！

So today in class a professor made a negative comment that I'm sure was directed at me. And it hurt. Because I really do try in the class, I'm just not the best student in the class and when I speak up, I come across as super nervous and slightly incompetent. I did the work more completely than all but one other person in the class. It made me really angry because I see my classmates who can get by with so little effort when I put hours of work into the same thing. The professor can't see that though.

But then I wonder if maybe I should really be mad at myself. I'm the one holding me back, right?

But that got me thinking...doesn't the professor have a responsibility as an educator to take notice that I'm not performing up to expectations and contact me directly about it? Maybe offer ways I can improve? Not compare me to Tarzan. Yeah, thanks, that felt awesome. In my education courses, we've been talking about the responsibility of a teacher to his or her students and recognizing that not everyone learns the same and teaching all different kinds of methods is part of that responsibility. And this professor isn't meeting that. Now, I know we're in college and it's an upper level course so there is some expectation that these things will be accomplished individually. And that's fine. But there are more effective ways of saying, "Hey, you need to work a little more at this," than making a joke.

It's just...I dunno, it's gotten to the point where I'm ready to quit the class. I don't have to take this class, and if it's really going to take me 6+ hours a week to do the work...I just don't have that kind of time. Plus add on another 2 since I need to work even still harder at this to live up to my professor's expectations. And though I absolutely love my classmates, if this professor keeps it up I'm really going to snap.

My friend and I were talking earlier about maybe dropping the class in question since it's so much work and not in either of our majors. I think I was less serious than my friend was. I'm considering it a lot more now. Apparently I have until the 27th to decide. I'd try and enroll in an online English course which would help with the education major. It'd be a pretty general class - Brit Lit or something - so I could take it almost anywhere, since I think Mizzou isn't allowing you to enroll anymore. Eh. It's just an idea. The more I think about it though, the more dropping the class makes sense.