Question 6: Balance

It is required that every semester at my university education students do some sort of service learning. Usually these are in schools or after school programs, but what specifically you do varies with the location. Currently I help out a junior high teacher with her study hall. It's fun and what I do is always different.

Yesterday, I spent a lot of time trying to get a group of students to work on some worksheets, but it just wasn't happening. It makes sense - these were additional worksheets. That eliminated any intrinsic motivation for completing the worksheet, and the teacher provided no reward for doing them, offering no extrinsic motivation. It was a bad situation and quickly deteriorated into making jokes about jerking it and race (it was a diverse table and they were lighthearted). I had to remind them to watch their language and their volume and it was getting out of hand. I figured if I could control the conversation, I could control the language and volume and then we'd work on getting back to the worksheets.

So they started asking me questions, where I would be speaking the most. One tried to get me to guess what nationality he was (correctly answered Vietnamese, but at least a generation removed). He asked how could I know this when I just learned his name? Well, I grew up in SJ I told him. 50% Asian, I kind of had to know the differences. For example, I eliminated Korean and Japanese before he and I ever spoke based on the shape of his face. Someone said he wasn't Chinese, and that sold it for me. We moved from there to how I came to be in Missouri, how I picked my major and how I picked this school to service learn at. Then they started asking more personal questions.

It started out harmless. Two were surprised I was in college - they thought I was in high school. I told them to guess my age. After telling them my age, I told an anecdote about getting carded going into an R-rated movie earlier this year. When I said my 21st birthday was this weekend, one made a drinking gesture and I said, "Yeah, after this weekend, we'll see." "Legally." "Well...yes." The implication wasn't lost on any of them. It was the way I said well. I shouldn't have used it at all. It sparked this.

"Do you smoke?" "No, second hand smoke gives me headaches a lot so I haven't." "What about pot?" "I'd imagine that would do the same." "I've smoked it before." "I have friends who do." "REALLY?!" "Shhh, yes, but that doesn't mean they do so around me. They respect me and know that I don't approve." "You know it's not even that bad -" "You know that if I were an actual teacher I'd be required by law to report that to an administrator? Please don't talk about this more, you could get in real trouble." The table just stared at me. "But you're not going to report it now?" "I could, but no, I think that would be unfair given how our conversation had been going." I don't mention that I don't have anything to go on besides "So and so said he tried pot once," which might receive a talking to, but probably not.

The whole conversation had been interspersed with comments along the lines of "Omg, you're so cool," and now they just looked at me in awe. In their eyes I'm not a teacher; I'm a friend. I don't want this because it gives me no authority. I won't be able to effectively punish these kids for not doing their work now. I can't hand out punishments, that's reserved for real teachers. That's how it went down. I told one of the students to get a new worksheet b/c she had written nonsense all over her current one and she wouldn't do so. I eventually got so fed up, I brought her over to the teacher and the teacher made her finish the written over worksheet AND another one before the class was over. I had no intentions of making her finish the work, I just wanted to see a section done properly. But I couldn't even do that because the student saw me as a friend, not a teacher.

Looking back, I don't see much wrong with the things I said. I think it's appropriate to speak frankly with your students in secondary education and own up to what you have and haven't done. I think it's ignorant of you to assume they are going to be perfect kids. When I was their age I had been offered pot a few times and knew how to get it if I desired. I was ignorant regarding sex and drinking, but not enough to think it never occurred. If I pretend middle schoolers are too young to know about these things, I limit my ability to reach these students. If I pretend I didn't participate in these things, regardless my age, I harm my credibility as a person. What I did wrong is not establish myself as a teacher FIRST.

Every professor here talks about new teachers wanting to be friends with the students and be considered cool and the problems that creates. I'm not going to lie, it's nice being called cool, being asked to be their student teacher the rest of their time at the school. It's really flattering. But it's not effective. Even though I like the feeling I get, knowing these students trust me and see me as someone they can turn to, it doesn't outweigh the fact that I can't keep them as "in line" as I should be able to. It's tough finding this balance between relating and governing. I like democracy, but (at least in my experience) that isn't how effective classrooms are run.

But this is helping. Every semester I get more experience in the classroom and I know my shortcomings. I know it seems like failures are the only things I talk about in these education posts, but I don't mean it to seem that way. This is me realizing what needs to change, and I am changing them. Remember when I posted about how I needed to change how I dealt with students? I'm getting really good at it. Sure, I slip up, but that's this one group. Everyone else is under my thumb. Did I tell you all how I was having a conflict with a student? She wouldn't respect me, so I approached her on a day when we hadn't interacted so much and was like, "So I get that you don't like me, and that's chill, but I don't know why and I'd like to." And you know what? She listens to me now. It took two minutes and we corrected what was becoming a major problem. You guys, I'm getting it. I am doing well. I just know I can do better.

Ski Culture

I've wanted to write this post for so long, but just haven't found time. I guess I should be making time to write for myself, instead of for classes, but it gets so tedious toward the end of the semester.

I don't know how many of you have been to resorts on vacation, but I've kind of noticed two groups. There's those who go to do things and there are those who go to do nothing. There's also the locals. And in most places you can't easily tell who the locals are because they hide away in their secret hang outs, but at a ski resort, it's different. They wander around with the visitors. I love this mixing. I always feel like I'm halfway between a visitor and a local because I consciously know that the shops I'm going into, the restaurants I'm being dragged to by friends aren't places locals go, yet I go anyway. I sense the slight distain from the locals as I rush by with these friends, all dressed up, knowing but not caring that this isn't appropriate for where we're going. Sometimes I think I should make an effort to act more like a local because it's what I long to be, but I know it would come off as unauthentic.

This mixing just intrigues me so much! You can pass a lady in a knee length full fur coat heading to the fancy shops at the end of the street and then a snowboarder with neon clothing rushes the other way to get to the gondola for one last run and then the gals making your crepe have that dark tan on the lower half of their cheeks and you just know they've spent most of their days off on the slopes. That mixing doesn't happen elsewhere, I don't think. In other countries I feel like the locals are always pushing a sale on me. At beach resorts I feel like I'm being catered to too much. In a ski resort, you're just free to do whatever. Sure, go shop, buy stuff from us, we get paid either way. Sure, head up the mountain, ski all day, good luck finding our powder stashes. Sure, stay around the apartment, get drunk, go hot tubbing, it's what we do if we feel like doing nothing. That's what I feel like the locals are saying to us visitors. Sure, come enjoy this place with us. It's okay, you're welcome here.

There's just this calm, laid back attitude and then there's this unique fashion that would be silly anywhere else. Oh, the fashion!!! It's so much fun to watch the people and the way they dress. There's the people who have no clue what they're doing, wearing jeans and three sweatshirts or just everything borrowed on the slopes and there's the locals who have the bright neon clothing and sideways beanies and there's the old school skiers who are still rockin' the one piece suits and there's the random consmogleration of them all. And that's me. I dress like a toned down snowboarder but can ski double blacks all day long. It just makes me so happy to see people wandering around in their skate shoes and ski pants with an oversized hoodie, heading to a bar with friends. Just like I practically live in jeans and a t-shirt, it's regulation gear here.

Ahhhhhh!!!!! I just love everything about skiing. If I don't end up in a ski town for at least 5 years of my life, everything else had better be freaking fantastic or else I'm calling my life a wash. This is all making Colorado seem far more ideal than Seattle. Hm...

Question 5: Getting There

Now that I've changed my major, people keep asking me what I want to do. And I'm finding that answer is even more complicated than before.

See, I want to advise a high school newspaper and teach honors/AP courses. But the exact location is flexible. And the way to get there is undetermined. But you can't just say, "I want to run a high school newspaper and teach AP courses," because then the person asks, "How will you get to that point? That's not a job you can just walk into," and I'm obligated to explain.

So I graduate, right? And now I have a license that's valid in 8 states, none that I really want to be in. But I can teach there for 5 years, go back to school to get my master's, and then I'll be solid for teaching nationally. Or I can do Teach for America for two years and be solid to teach nationally (however, if I do this option, I still need to figure out how to get a master's before I teach for 5 years). And then I can get my butt to one of a few places. See, if I go to Seattle it's more going to be that I'm closer to being ready to have a family. If I'm not, I'll head to somewhere in Colorado or Truckee or hell, even Alaska and teach the little rippers how to write. And offer extra credit for beating me down the slopes. (No joke, I would do that. Wouldn't that be the most awesome teacher ever? It's like if you lived on Hawaii and your teacher said, hey catch a more awesome wave than me on this day and you get extra credit.)

Well that explains the location. Now how do I get the exact job I want? If there is an opening for a journalism teacher, obviously I'm going to jump on that. But chances are that won't happen. So I'll take an English teacher position, teaching regular 9th and 10th grade classes or electives. I'll involve myself in a club or something, offer to run the debate club...along those lines. I'll work my way up - start teaching honors courses, push the school to have AP classes and volunteer for the training to teach those courses. If I'm not at the school or district I want, I'll keep my eyes and ears open for opportunities, while making sure that none of the administration are aware by keeping good relationships with them.

It's really not that complicated, it's the same thing that any teacher goes through when getting where they want. I'm working with a teacher who is about to move his family to a suburb of Chicago so he can get his master's and possibly work at his old high school. It's not like he's exactly unhappy here - he's quite the celebrated teacher and the administration likes him and he is paid enough to live in the nicer neighborhoods. But this place isn't his goal and never was, so he's moving on.

It seems like the first ten years of my career will be spent getting to where I want to be. And by that point, I probably will be about ready to take a break from teaching to raise kids. And then the cycle starts all over. Find available job, get to school I want, start working toward the exact job I want. It's really no wonder most teachers leave the profession within 5 years.