Home Body

You know the thing I probably miss the most about apartment living? I had a TV in my room. I also really miss the food I ate, but that's another post. When I had a TV in my room, I didn't have to worry about bothering other people when I wanted to watch my food shows or the Disney Channel or the latest sappy movie on Oxygen or Bravo or whatever. I could play Fallout 3 or Twilight Princess for HOURS on end, ignoring my homework and no one would bother me.

You can't do that here. There's too many other people. You can't fall asleep warm in your bed with the TV glowing from across the room. You can bring a blanket downstairs and sleep on the comfy couches if you really want, but it's not the same as your bed. You can't spend the day in your room without people bothering you every hour. They're going here, they're going there, feed the dogs, take the dogs out, make sure to pick up this for me. I liked being responsible for myself. Here I feel like I'm being babysat. Or maybe I'm doing the babysitting. I run the errands. That's what I do.

On the other hand, I like being in a familiar place, especially now. It's strange though that I also take so much comfort from going new places, experiencing new things. Especially now. J once called me a walking contradiction, and I've come to see that it really applies to me. Part of me wants to curl up in my bed for days and cope with this. But another part of me says to hell with it all, let's go somewhere. Let's get out of here. Let's go do something new and exciting (apparently I like to use plurals when telling myself to do things). I have this need to take myself out of the known, to make me uncomfortable in order to cope with things.

Does this make sense to you guys? Do you classify yourself as a home body, but then when something, anything, goes wrong, feel the need to get away from anything, everything, familiar? I felt this way when K died. I knew I'd be able to handle going to her funeral, but I just wanted to get away, leave, stay in Utah and ski for the rest of the school year. That was my immediate reaction. Have any of you reacted like me before?