Yesterday, I spent a lot of time trying to get a group of students to work on some worksheets, but it just wasn't happening. It makes sense - these were additional worksheets. That eliminated any intrinsic motivation for completing the worksheet, and the teacher provided no reward for doing them, offering no extrinsic motivation. It was a bad situation and quickly deteriorated into making jokes about jerking it and race (it was a diverse table and they were lighthearted). I had to remind them to watch their language and their volume and it was getting out of hand. I figured if I could control the conversation, I could control the language and volume and then we'd work on getting back to the worksheets.
So they started asking me questions, where I would be speaking the most. One tried to get me to guess what nationality he was (correctly answered Vietnamese, but at least a generation removed). He asked how could I know this when I just learned his name? Well, I grew up in SJ I told him. 50% Asian, I kind of had to know the differences. For example, I eliminated Korean and Japanese before he and I ever spoke based on the shape of his face. Someone said he wasn't Chinese, and that sold it for me. We moved from there to how I came to be in Missouri, how I picked my major and how I picked this school to service learn at. Then they started asking more personal questions.
It started out harmless. Two were surprised I was in college - they thought I was in high school. I told them to guess my age. After telling them my age, I told an anecdote about getting carded going into an R-rated movie earlier this year. When I said my 21st birthday was this weekend, one made a drinking gesture and I said, "Yeah, after this weekend, we'll see." "Legally." "Well...yes." The implication wasn't lost on any of them. It was the way I said well. I shouldn't have used it at all. It sparked this.
"Do you smoke?" "No, second hand smoke gives me headaches a lot so I haven't." "What about pot?" "I'd imagine that would do the same." "I've smoked it before." "I have friends who do." "REALLY?!" "Shhh, yes, but that doesn't mean they do so around me. They respect me and know that I don't approve." "You know it's not even that bad -" "You know that if I were an actual teacher I'd be required by law to report that to an administrator? Please don't talk about this more, you could get in real trouble." The table just stared at me. "But you're not going to report it now?" "I could, but no, I think that would be unfair given how our conversation had been going." I don't mention that I don't have anything to go on besides "So and so said he tried pot once," which might receive a talking to, but probably not.
The whole conversation had been interspersed with comments along the lines of "Omg, you're so cool," and now they just looked at me in awe. In their eyes I'm not a teacher; I'm a friend. I don't want this because it gives me no authority. I won't be able to effectively punish these kids for not doing their work now. I can't hand out punishments, that's reserved for real teachers. That's how it went down. I told one of the students to get a new worksheet b/c she had written nonsense all over her current one and she wouldn't do so. I eventually got so fed up, I brought her over to the teacher and the teacher made her finish the written over worksheet AND another one before the class was over. I had no intentions of making her finish the work, I just wanted to see a section done properly. But I couldn't even do that because the student saw me as a friend, not a teacher.
Looking back, I don't see much wrong with the things I said. I think it's appropriate to speak frankly with your students in secondary education and own up to what you have and haven't done. I think it's ignorant of you to assume they are going to be perfect kids. When I was their age I had been offered pot a few times and knew how to get it if I desired. I was ignorant regarding sex and drinking, but not enough to think it never occurred. If I pretend middle schoolers are too young to know about these things, I limit my ability to reach these students. If I pretend I didn't participate in these things, regardless my age, I harm my credibility as a person. What I did wrong is not establish myself as a teacher FIRST.
Every professor here talks about new teachers wanting to be friends with the students and be considered cool and the problems that creates. I'm not going to lie, it's nice being called cool, being asked to be their student teacher the rest of their time at the school. It's really flattering. But it's not effective. Even though I like the feeling I get, knowing these students trust me and see me as someone they can turn to, it doesn't outweigh the fact that I can't keep them as "in line" as I should be able to. It's tough finding this balance between relating and governing. I like democracy, but (at least in my experience) that isn't how effective classrooms are run.
But this is helping. Every semester I get more experience in the classroom and I know my shortcomings. I know it seems like failures are the only things I talk about in these education posts, but I don't mean it to seem that way. This is me realizing what needs to change, and I am changing them. Remember when I posted about how I needed to change how I dealt with students? I'm getting really good at it. Sure, I slip up, but that's this one group. Everyone else is under my thumb. Did I tell you all how I was having a conflict with a student? She wouldn't respect me, so I approached her on a day when we hadn't interacted so much and was like, "So I get that you don't like me, and that's chill, but I don't know why and I'd like to." And you know what? She listens to me now. It took two minutes and we corrected what was becoming a major problem. You guys, I'm getting it. I am doing well. I just know I can do better.
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