(written sometime Wednesday night)
Good god it makes me frustrated. No wonder L is the way she is. I’ve been at her house for a full day and I have a constant headache from the constant annoying mixture of voices that are always always always shouting through the house. No one sees any need to be quiet. It’s 11pm on a school night. They have a freshman. He hasn’t done his homework. He’s playing Halo in the living room. L, her mom, her 18-year old brother and her two friends are playing Uno in the kitchen. Both are loud. The dad is sleeping, somehow.
They waste away their lives.
I have met so many people in the past 24 hours I can’t name them all. Better yet, I can’t name a single one, save L, who is going to a state school. The rest go to community colleges. And really, that number is rather small since most of her friends just smoke pot and bum off their parents. Most are about 20 years old.
It’s pathetic.
This is middle class. I didn’t know there was such a difference between middle- and upper-middle-class, but there is. Teenage pregnancies exist here. Pot is the drug of choice, but it’s not just used by a select group of people. Alcohol is so freely talked about. The dad had like four beers before heading to bed. Four. I never saw him without a beer in his hand tonight. The kids all talk about their adventures with alcohol in front of their parents without concern. One of L’s friends whom I’ve met a few times, B, speaks of a “wonderful float trip” she went on. She doesn’t remember it. When asked how could it be good if she doesn’t remember that, I am given an incredulous stare. “I don’t remember it. That’s what makes it an awesome weekend.”
Uh…right…
I didn’t realize how blessed I was to have intelligent friends whose concerns extend further than gossip about the latest boyfriend of their high school slut. I mean really, who the hell cares what Christy McCarthy is up to these days? Okay, so I might have gone too far there. But you get my point, right? We have concerns about our future. They are concerned about what she said he said that he heard from his girlfriend who heard it from her younger sister’s best friend who read it through text from her latest boy-toy…do any of you CA people know about this? I can’t believe this world exists and I am seriously reconsidering my friendship with L after this. These are the people she is really friends with and who have shaped her. Maybe I don’t actually know her as well as I thought. Maybe this is who she really is. And maybe I don’t like it one bit.
A word to those on the west coast: heed my warning, fly over this part of the country. I finally understand why they call it that. There’s nothing good that could ever come from here.
8.21.2009
Following the Rules
I don't remember what it felt like to go against the rules set out by my parents for me. I don't remember if it was fun or if I defied them often or what my punishments were. I do know what it is like to speed down a road, 20 or 30 miles over the speed limit and get away with it. The instant fear when you get caught and the adrenaline that pulses through your veins, causing you to shake uncontrollably at your boyfriend's townhome for 15 minutes after you get out of that ticket. I imagine going against the rules to be something like that.
I can't say I enjoyed how it felt, though it certainly was exciting. Maybe people like this, I suppose, otherwise they wouldn't break the law all the time.
I speak, of course, from experience.
My lovely apartmentmates have a habit of going against the law. From smoking to drinking, I have gotten used to their shenanigans and tolerate them to the best of my abilities. One thing I cannot stand, however, is when they put other people at risk.
Like before, when the apartment was one boy and three girls. An apartmentmate wanted another person to live with us and to have a dog. Both are against the lease so I had to say that it wouldn't happen. This person got very mad at me and eventually decided to leave the apartment. This drama was very long and drawn out and painful for me. I lost a friend over it and possibly got on the nerves of a current apartmentmate. But this troublemaker moved out and I thought the worst of my problems were over.
And now we have two illegal pets living in our apartment. One is a cat. A cat for crying out loud. They were grumpy about me even asking if I could have my five pound dwarf rabbit at the apartment, yet this girl (all living at the apartment now are girls so it doesn't tell you anything) thinks that they will allow her to have a cat and some sort of reptile. Reptile maybe. But they have to approve any and all pets. So...fat chance.
The problem I forsee is that she has already bought everything the cat would need. Food, litter box, extra litter, a blanket for it to sleep on. It has everything. And all these things are supposed to fit into her room which is already full to the brim. Yeah. Right. And what happens if the apartment says she can't keep it? she won't get rid of the cat, not after she bought all that crap. And her lizard? Well...we'll see. I've requested to go with her to the management to make sure these pets are allowed under the pretense that I want to see if I can bring my bunny. I think this is a good way to involve myself without making it seem like I'm taking the other side. I'm not, I just want us to live legally.
I just never expected it to be this difficult to accomplish.
I understand the appeal of not following the rules. I just don't understand why people are selfish enough that they must put their thrills above the safety and security of others. I want a place to live. Is that so much to ask?
I can't say I enjoyed how it felt, though it certainly was exciting. Maybe people like this, I suppose, otherwise they wouldn't break the law all the time.
I speak, of course, from experience.
My lovely apartmentmates have a habit of going against the law. From smoking to drinking, I have gotten used to their shenanigans and tolerate them to the best of my abilities. One thing I cannot stand, however, is when they put other people at risk.
Like before, when the apartment was one boy and three girls. An apartmentmate wanted another person to live with us and to have a dog. Both are against the lease so I had to say that it wouldn't happen. This person got very mad at me and eventually decided to leave the apartment. This drama was very long and drawn out and painful for me. I lost a friend over it and possibly got on the nerves of a current apartmentmate. But this troublemaker moved out and I thought the worst of my problems were over.
And now we have two illegal pets living in our apartment. One is a cat. A cat for crying out loud. They were grumpy about me even asking if I could have my five pound dwarf rabbit at the apartment, yet this girl (all living at the apartment now are girls so it doesn't tell you anything) thinks that they will allow her to have a cat and some sort of reptile. Reptile maybe. But they have to approve any and all pets. So...fat chance.
The problem I forsee is that she has already bought everything the cat would need. Food, litter box, extra litter, a blanket for it to sleep on. It has everything. And all these things are supposed to fit into her room which is already full to the brim. Yeah. Right. And what happens if the apartment says she can't keep it? she won't get rid of the cat, not after she bought all that crap. And her lizard? Well...we'll see. I've requested to go with her to the management to make sure these pets are allowed under the pretense that I want to see if I can bring my bunny. I think this is a good way to involve myself without making it seem like I'm taking the other side. I'm not, I just want us to live legally.
I just never expected it to be this difficult to accomplish.
I understand the appeal of not following the rules. I just don't understand why people are selfish enough that they must put their thrills above the safety and security of others. I want a place to live. Is that so much to ask?
8.20.2009
Hitchhikers Guide to I-70
(written Monday evening)
I never know what to do when I see hitchhikers. Should I stop and pick them up, offer them a ride? Should I pass them by, writing them off as creepers and killers? I saw a guy, probably in his mid twenties, looking for a ride just outside of Indianapolis on I-70 heading west. He looked nice enough, fairly clean with only a backpack as far as luggage went. I slowed down to about 50 (speed limit 70, so you know I was going at least 75) for almost a mile, just wondering if I should stop and walk back to him and offer him a ride. I was going to St Louis, which is the next major city along I-70. It was the least I could do to help him on his way.
I ended up being honked at so I pulled into the slow lane and collected my thoughts. But for the next hour I could not stop thinking about this hitchhiker. Did he find a ride? Did he have a decent place to sleep? Where was he heading? Was he a killer or would he have had interesting stories to keep me entertained until my destination?
I’ll never know. I don’t pick up hitchhikers while driving alone.
I never know what to do when I see hitchhikers. Should I stop and pick them up, offer them a ride? Should I pass them by, writing them off as creepers and killers? I saw a guy, probably in his mid twenties, looking for a ride just outside of Indianapolis on I-70 heading west. He looked nice enough, fairly clean with only a backpack as far as luggage went. I slowed down to about 50 (speed limit 70, so you know I was going at least 75) for almost a mile, just wondering if I should stop and walk back to him and offer him a ride. I was going to St Louis, which is the next major city along I-70. It was the least I could do to help him on his way.
I ended up being honked at so I pulled into the slow lane and collected my thoughts. But for the next hour I could not stop thinking about this hitchhiker. Did he find a ride? Did he have a decent place to sleep? Where was he heading? Was he a killer or would he have had interesting stories to keep me entertained until my destination?
I’ll never know. I don’t pick up hitchhikers while driving alone.
8.14.2009
Relationships in College: Part 1
Allow me to be upfront about this. I have no idea how many parts this will be or how lengthy you can expect said unknown number of parts to be. I don't know when I will post these, but don't expect them to be one after another. I only have personal experience with one long distance relationship, travel time in hours ranging from slightly over one to an average of six hours (all one way, of course). I have observed many types of college relationships, however, since my roommate and other people living in the dorms turned out to be quite good subjects.
Allow me to give you a roadmap. I shall be covering one on (long distance relationships) and three (possibly four if I have time) off. See what I did there debate nerds? Oh how I make myself laugh sometimes...
Long distance relationships in college are tough. It's not so bad if your colleges are only an hour or two apart. When you're that close, shelling out the gas money to see each other that weekend isn't too much of a big deal. I mean, of course it matters and is always appreciated, but compared to when a one-way trip is 6 hours (give or take a time zone) and about a full tank of gas (K claims he's made it just under a tank, but he gets 10 MPG better than I do and drives a lot slower getting to my university), well...there really is no comparison.
I'm not too sure what exactly I'm supposed to say. There's no set way to make a long distance relationship work. Most of the time, it doesn't work. You see each other two times a month at best and the breaks have to be split between bf-gf time and family time and that makes both parties frustrated (and you have to attend both family get-togethers...thank goodness I don't have much family out here, there's no way we'd be able to work that out).
People and websites will tell you that communication is key. It's bullshit. In college, you're always online. Via cell phone or laptop you're on Facebook and Twitter and some form of an instant messaging client. Webcams are built into about 50% of laptops and the PC lovers have probably had some form of a webcam for 3 years so the use of Skype is rampant. Failing internet service there is texting and [gasp] phone calls. It's when you're face-to-face that you stop trying so hard to communicate and things get misunderstood.
Not seeing each other gets difficult. I don't want to go into detail (no, nothing more than PG rated, don't you guys go thinking like that), but you really do miss just being around your SO. There's no way to get over that. You just have to deal with it.
I'm the only one I know out of all my friends - both Midwest states and California combined - that went into her first year of college with a boyfriend and came out with the same one. No, scratch that. I know of another. But she is no longer in a long distance relationship because she moved back to her hometown to take community college classes there. I'm happy for her that she could make that choice, but it's not one I would ever make. Anyway, back to the point. Most broke it off before college. I can think of one that attempted it. Two hours apart. I can't explain to you why these relationships ended, only speculate. And I have...a lot. But space will not be wasted on that, especially because I don't know the truth.
One of my very good friends, ex-neighbor, N, is entering college this year. She's going to Duke to study pre-med. She does plan to become a doctor, but she's also interested in prosthesis and rehabilitation, so a bit of tech is mixed in there. She will go into college with a boyfriend at the U of Maryland. Google Maps says it's 4 hours. She says it's 5. I don't know the traffic, so I'll give her the benefit - they'll probably have to pass around D.C. However, this couple is talking about using planes for travel. Since both colleges are relatively close to major airports and flights to and from are cheap (only slightly more expensive than driving, depending on gas prices) and easy to get, they plan to cut down on travel time and fly to see each other. It's a decent trade-off and I am looking forward to seeing how it will work out.
So that's it. My advice is as follows. Before you leave for college, ask yourself if you want to stay with this person. If you have doubt, end the relationship. It's not good to drag the other person along until you find their replacement locally. If you stay together, make sure you know what you're getting into, that you know where your limits are and how much you can deal with. Keep in touch, but keep your freedom. Try to make a plan with your SO before you leave...it probably won't be followed, but it'll make you feel better about the situation going into it.
Allow me to give you a roadmap. I shall be covering one on (long distance relationships) and three (possibly four if I have time) off. See what I did there debate nerds? Oh how I make myself laugh sometimes...
Long distance relationships in college are tough. It's not so bad if your colleges are only an hour or two apart. When you're that close, shelling out the gas money to see each other that weekend isn't too much of a big deal. I mean, of course it matters and is always appreciated, but compared to when a one-way trip is 6 hours (give or take a time zone) and about a full tank of gas (K claims he's made it just under a tank, but he gets 10 MPG better than I do and drives a lot slower getting to my university), well...there really is no comparison.
I'm not too sure what exactly I'm supposed to say. There's no set way to make a long distance relationship work. Most of the time, it doesn't work. You see each other two times a month at best and the breaks have to be split between bf-gf time and family time and that makes both parties frustrated (and you have to attend both family get-togethers...thank goodness I don't have much family out here, there's no way we'd be able to work that out).
People and websites will tell you that communication is key. It's bullshit. In college, you're always online. Via cell phone or laptop you're on Facebook and Twitter and some form of an instant messaging client. Webcams are built into about 50% of laptops and the PC lovers have probably had some form of a webcam for 3 years so the use of Skype is rampant. Failing internet service there is texting and [gasp] phone calls. It's when you're face-to-face that you stop trying so hard to communicate and things get misunderstood.
Not seeing each other gets difficult. I don't want to go into detail (no, nothing more than PG rated, don't you guys go thinking like that), but you really do miss just being around your SO. There's no way to get over that. You just have to deal with it.
I'm the only one I know out of all my friends - both Midwest states and California combined - that went into her first year of college with a boyfriend and came out with the same one. No, scratch that. I know of another. But she is no longer in a long distance relationship because she moved back to her hometown to take community college classes there. I'm happy for her that she could make that choice, but it's not one I would ever make. Anyway, back to the point. Most broke it off before college. I can think of one that attempted it. Two hours apart. I can't explain to you why these relationships ended, only speculate. And I have...a lot. But space will not be wasted on that, especially because I don't know the truth.
One of my very good friends, ex-neighbor, N, is entering college this year. She's going to Duke to study pre-med. She does plan to become a doctor, but she's also interested in prosthesis and rehabilitation, so a bit of tech is mixed in there. She will go into college with a boyfriend at the U of Maryland. Google Maps says it's 4 hours. She says it's 5. I don't know the traffic, so I'll give her the benefit - they'll probably have to pass around D.C. However, this couple is talking about using planes for travel. Since both colleges are relatively close to major airports and flights to and from are cheap (only slightly more expensive than driving, depending on gas prices) and easy to get, they plan to cut down on travel time and fly to see each other. It's a decent trade-off and I am looking forward to seeing how it will work out.
So that's it. My advice is as follows. Before you leave for college, ask yourself if you want to stay with this person. If you have doubt, end the relationship. It's not good to drag the other person along until you find their replacement locally. If you stay together, make sure you know what you're getting into, that you know where your limits are and how much you can deal with. Keep in touch, but keep your freedom. Try to make a plan with your SO before you leave...it probably won't be followed, but it'll make you feel better about the situation going into it.
8.12.2009
Girl Say What, Say What?
I know I am a college student. I am an adult. I do not know how this happened.
Over the past year I have become a Disney channel addict.
I admit it. It's great entertainment for when you need a study break, and decent background noise for when you actually are studying. The storylines are simple enough for you to follow along without really paying much attention anyway.
It started out as just watching the nightly movie. Then it turned into watching whatever was on after the movie. Then I would turn it on late at night to see if any of the older shows that I watched were on. That's how I got hooked on Life With Derek, a modern Canadian version of the Brady Bunch. Then, one lazy Saturday afternoon, my good friend, L, was channel surfing and was intrigued by a funny theme song - Suite Life on Deck. We fell in love with the twin brother's silly escapades, the sweet country girl's innocence and the dumb heiress's witty one-liners. Pretty soon anytime I had the TV on, I was watching Disney channel.
At the same time, my boyfriend was developing a similar addiction. He heard a Miley Cyrus song on the radio and, in his nerdy fashion, set up his computer to record Hannah Montana any time it happened to be on. One time he happened to watch the show on after, Wizards on Waverly Place. Thus his obsession began.
Soon Disney introduced a new show - Sonny With a Chance - and shortly after, thanks to the success of the JoBros - Jonas. Though neither of these warranted the attention of Life With Derek (for me) or Hannah Montana (for him), they were not to be flipped past should they be on.
This all being said, I just happened to watch Miley's performance at the Teen Choice Awards on YouTube. I'm kind of appalled. She pole danced on a pushable ice cream cart! You could see her mesh bra when she danced! And let's not forget that she CAN NOT sing to save her life (those JoBros though....they're decent singers when the younger two aren't off breaking hearts). On the other hand...she's almost 17. I danced like her when I was 17. Not on stage at an award's show, but I danced like her, and raunchier too. My junior prom I wore a more revealing dress and my bra showed sometimes. But it wasn't indecent. She wasn't indecent...was she? (link if you wanna check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRrwPAM2LuU&NR=1)
I guess my only complaint is that I hold these Disney Channel "stars" up to a higher standard. Demi (who performed at our state fair just two days ago), Selena, Miley, all three of the Jonases...they should be extra careful. Yes, sometimes that means no fun. Nick should stop dating for a while - or at least stop dating Selena and Miley. Miley should cover up and be more professional (have you seen her interviews?). Joe should stop dating high profile people or at least not write songs about them. But then so should Taylor Swift...actually she can just go hide in a cave for the rest of her life. Country/Pop can live without her. (side note: heard her three times today at the state fair...had to slap boyfriend to get him to stop humming along.) Demi's not well enough known to really need to watch out and Selena seems to have learned her lesson after the whole Selena/Miley/Nick thing.
And after that last paragraph I realized I read way too many teen magazines and spend way too much time on YouTube watching whatever they have on their front page for my own good. But it's late. And I don't mind being candid with you guys. You'll still love meeeee. Right? C's lucky. She got out with just High School Musical and the JoBros. I've been pulled in and I don't think there's a way out.
FYI, decent Disney artists in my book: Jonas Brothers (Paranoid = love), Mitchel Musso (In Crowd = sing along), Demi Levato (dat girl got lungs!).
Over the past year I have become a Disney channel addict.
I admit it. It's great entertainment for when you need a study break, and decent background noise for when you actually are studying. The storylines are simple enough for you to follow along without really paying much attention anyway.
It started out as just watching the nightly movie. Then it turned into watching whatever was on after the movie. Then I would turn it on late at night to see if any of the older shows that I watched were on. That's how I got hooked on Life With Derek, a modern Canadian version of the Brady Bunch. Then, one lazy Saturday afternoon, my good friend, L, was channel surfing and was intrigued by a funny theme song - Suite Life on Deck. We fell in love with the twin brother's silly escapades, the sweet country girl's innocence and the dumb heiress's witty one-liners. Pretty soon anytime I had the TV on, I was watching Disney channel.
At the same time, my boyfriend was developing a similar addiction. He heard a Miley Cyrus song on the radio and, in his nerdy fashion, set up his computer to record Hannah Montana any time it happened to be on. One time he happened to watch the show on after, Wizards on Waverly Place. Thus his obsession began.
Soon Disney introduced a new show - Sonny With a Chance - and shortly after, thanks to the success of the JoBros - Jonas. Though neither of these warranted the attention of Life With Derek (for me) or Hannah Montana (for him), they were not to be flipped past should they be on.
This all being said, I just happened to watch Miley's performance at the Teen Choice Awards on YouTube. I'm kind of appalled. She pole danced on a pushable ice cream cart! You could see her mesh bra when she danced! And let's not forget that she CAN NOT sing to save her life (those JoBros though....they're decent singers when the younger two aren't off breaking hearts). On the other hand...she's almost 17. I danced like her when I was 17. Not on stage at an award's show, but I danced like her, and raunchier too. My junior prom I wore a more revealing dress and my bra showed sometimes. But it wasn't indecent. She wasn't indecent...was she? (link if you wanna check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRrwPAM2LuU&NR=1)
I guess my only complaint is that I hold these Disney Channel "stars" up to a higher standard. Demi (who performed at our state fair just two days ago), Selena, Miley, all three of the Jonases...they should be extra careful. Yes, sometimes that means no fun. Nick should stop dating for a while - or at least stop dating Selena and Miley. Miley should cover up and be more professional (have you seen her interviews?). Joe should stop dating high profile people or at least not write songs about them. But then so should Taylor Swift...actually she can just go hide in a cave for the rest of her life. Country/Pop can live without her. (side note: heard her three times today at the state fair...had to slap boyfriend to get him to stop humming along.) Demi's not well enough known to really need to watch out and Selena seems to have learned her lesson after the whole Selena/Miley/Nick thing.
And after that last paragraph I realized I read way too many teen magazines and spend way too much time on YouTube watching whatever they have on their front page for my own good. But it's late. And I don't mind being candid with you guys. You'll still love meeeee. Right? C's lucky. She got out with just High School Musical and the JoBros. I've been pulled in and I don't think there's a way out.
FYI, decent Disney artists in my book: Jonas Brothers (Paranoid = love), Mitchel Musso (In Crowd = sing along), Demi Levato (dat girl got lungs!).
7.30.2009
My night without shoes
I love telling this story and rarely get the chance to explain it fully because it just takes too much time to tell only a little bit of action, but I thought that any readers needed a lighthearted read after my last post, so here we go. It takes place the second Friday of the school year, but I feel you need a little bit of background on how the year was going so far.
My first two weeks of college opened my eyes a lot. My roommate, whom I meshed with perfectly on paper, turned out to be a bit more wild than I anticipated, so we got off to a rocky start. The girls in my hall all seemed more interested in fraternity parties than comparing schedules and the boys...well, boys will be boys. It was like they were at camp for the first time, each one claiming his turf while trying to impress whichever girl happened to be watching. That sounds more like an Animal Planet special, actually. I had met a lot of people, mainly thanks to my roommate. My classes were boring; I felt like I chose the wrong college. I was overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than to hide out in my room like a hermit. The first weekend was Labor Day weekend. I went to my boyfriend's apartment 6 hours away and spent most of the weekend complaining to him how awful it was, fretting about the return and how to survive the rest of the school year.
On the eve of my night without shoes, it seemed surviving the first two weeks of college was enough reason to celebrate with a dorm party in the boys hall. My roommate had already cozyed up to one of the boys living in the room that was hosting it and she invited me to attend. I agreed, planning only to stay for 10 minutes, then return to Guitar Hero in our room. When I got there, they were mixing drinks (mainly vodka and whatever fruity drink they had), playing Halo/Call of Duty/other popular multi-player FPS and smoking weed in the far corner by the open window. I recognized a couple of people - an older guy I had met my first night at the college, some other people my roommate had introduced me to, two girls in my Journalism class, and a girl who I had met at dinner that very day. We shall call this young lady R.
R was on her way to another party with her track friends from high school. These friends were a girl we shall call C (who lived right across the hall from me) and a male senior we shall call D. D's friends were the ones hosting the party and he had promised C and R that he would take them to a proper college party in the first month of school. They were cashing in tonight, and also doing him a favor. D was only attending the party because he felt like he had to. He had recently drunkenly made out with the host's best friend and was terribly guilty about the situation and needed to clear it up with her group. C and R were moral support.
How do I know this? When R was leaving the dorm party to meet her friends, two RA's walked by. They noticed the large number of people and entered the room. I was in the doorway when they walked in. As soon as the female RA opened her mouth, I was hit with an overwhelming urge to run away as fast as I could. Call it fight-or-flight or whatever, I just knew that I had to get out of there. I had my ID card in my right back pocket, my cell phone in my left back, my key in my front left. I was set. R and her friends were at the elevators. They had seen the RA's and decided to leave while they could. I asked if I could come with.
It isn't until we are all in C's car, driving to D's apartment that I realize that I don't have any shoes on. I was too busy trying to process that I had just ran away from getting written up for being in the same room as alcohol and drugs. My roommate was texting me, telling me to just stay in the room. C and D were trying to introduce themselves but none of it really sunk in until D pointed out that I didn't have shoes on. "Do you want to turn around?" he asked. "Not really. I don't want to go back there. What if they know it's me who left?" The others look around, wondering why the agreed to take the girl currently freaking out in the backseat. R is nice enough to change the subject, hoping to calm me down, maybe stop me from shaking. "What's your major?" D and I realize that we share similar interests, so we get to talking about cameras while the others listen, uninterested, until we reach D's apartment.
D's roommates are at their apartment getting ready to head out to other parties. All three stop and ask me where my shoes are. Each time I turned so red, you would have thought they were asking personal questions about my love life or something. As I had this thought, I realized that I had a cell phone in my pocket that I could contact my boyfriend with. This calms me a little, but the prospect of attending a party where there would be more hard alcohol, illegal substances and general debauchery made me panic even more. I was a good kid, I never drank or smoked and, for the most part, my group didn't either. In fact, I made a point to stray away from those who did.
When we arrive at the party, I feel completely lost. I didn't have a very good grasp of where I was in the city and it was already pretty late so I was a bit tired. Most of the people there were seniors and over 21. There were more guys than girls, but I guess that's kind of typical because no one seemed to care too much. The girls weren't in any state to care. After five minutes at the party, I completely understood how you get those crazy pictures of girls all over each other looking stupid. The rest of the night is kind of a blur. Some drunk dudes come over and try to dance with us girls, who are drinking very little (I think they were doing that for my benefit and I'll always appreciate it). I spent most of the night in a state of shock. It was just a normal party, but it was my first experience around this scene. And I had no shoes.
By the end of the night D is completely trashed and R is getting there. C drives us home about 4am. I enter the room quietly as to not wake up my roommate, but she is still up, waiting for me. I think this is the first night I know that she actually cares about me. She said that she knew I would be a bit freaked out and she was here if I wanted to talk. I was too tired to really appreciate this at the time, but took it up the next afternoon when we examined my socks. I swear, if anyone ever takes the time to go through my socks they will find a pair darker than the rest. No amount of Shout could return them to the same level of dirt of my other pairs.
After that night I knew I could survive at my university. I felt more welcomed by my roommate's (and soon my) group. I made friends in my classes and in my hall. I thought of this because I recently did my laundry. I was trying to match my socks based on how worn out they were and I found the socks from that night...they were the only ones I could match.
My first two weeks of college opened my eyes a lot. My roommate, whom I meshed with perfectly on paper, turned out to be a bit more wild than I anticipated, so we got off to a rocky start. The girls in my hall all seemed more interested in fraternity parties than comparing schedules and the boys...well, boys will be boys. It was like they were at camp for the first time, each one claiming his turf while trying to impress whichever girl happened to be watching. That sounds more like an Animal Planet special, actually. I had met a lot of people, mainly thanks to my roommate. My classes were boring; I felt like I chose the wrong college. I was overwhelmed and wanted nothing more than to hide out in my room like a hermit. The first weekend was Labor Day weekend. I went to my boyfriend's apartment 6 hours away and spent most of the weekend complaining to him how awful it was, fretting about the return and how to survive the rest of the school year.
On the eve of my night without shoes, it seemed surviving the first two weeks of college was enough reason to celebrate with a dorm party in the boys hall. My roommate had already cozyed up to one of the boys living in the room that was hosting it and she invited me to attend. I agreed, planning only to stay for 10 minutes, then return to Guitar Hero in our room. When I got there, they were mixing drinks (mainly vodka and whatever fruity drink they had), playing Halo/Call of Duty/other popular multi-player FPS and smoking weed in the far corner by the open window. I recognized a couple of people - an older guy I had met my first night at the college, some other people my roommate had introduced me to, two girls in my Journalism class, and a girl who I had met at dinner that very day. We shall call this young lady R.
R was on her way to another party with her track friends from high school. These friends were a girl we shall call C (who lived right across the hall from me) and a male senior we shall call D. D's friends were the ones hosting the party and he had promised C and R that he would take them to a proper college party in the first month of school. They were cashing in tonight, and also doing him a favor. D was only attending the party because he felt like he had to. He had recently drunkenly made out with the host's best friend and was terribly guilty about the situation and needed to clear it up with her group. C and R were moral support.
How do I know this? When R was leaving the dorm party to meet her friends, two RA's walked by. They noticed the large number of people and entered the room. I was in the doorway when they walked in. As soon as the female RA opened her mouth, I was hit with an overwhelming urge to run away as fast as I could. Call it fight-or-flight or whatever, I just knew that I had to get out of there. I had my ID card in my right back pocket, my cell phone in my left back, my key in my front left. I was set. R and her friends were at the elevators. They had seen the RA's and decided to leave while they could. I asked if I could come with.
It isn't until we are all in C's car, driving to D's apartment that I realize that I don't have any shoes on. I was too busy trying to process that I had just ran away from getting written up for being in the same room as alcohol and drugs. My roommate was texting me, telling me to just stay in the room. C and D were trying to introduce themselves but none of it really sunk in until D pointed out that I didn't have shoes on. "Do you want to turn around?" he asked. "Not really. I don't want to go back there. What if they know it's me who left?" The others look around, wondering why the agreed to take the girl currently freaking out in the backseat. R is nice enough to change the subject, hoping to calm me down, maybe stop me from shaking. "What's your major?" D and I realize that we share similar interests, so we get to talking about cameras while the others listen, uninterested, until we reach D's apartment.
D's roommates are at their apartment getting ready to head out to other parties. All three stop and ask me where my shoes are. Each time I turned so red, you would have thought they were asking personal questions about my love life or something. As I had this thought, I realized that I had a cell phone in my pocket that I could contact my boyfriend with. This calms me a little, but the prospect of attending a party where there would be more hard alcohol, illegal substances and general debauchery made me panic even more. I was a good kid, I never drank or smoked and, for the most part, my group didn't either. In fact, I made a point to stray away from those who did.
When we arrive at the party, I feel completely lost. I didn't have a very good grasp of where I was in the city and it was already pretty late so I was a bit tired. Most of the people there were seniors and over 21. There were more guys than girls, but I guess that's kind of typical because no one seemed to care too much. The girls weren't in any state to care. After five minutes at the party, I completely understood how you get those crazy pictures of girls all over each other looking stupid. The rest of the night is kind of a blur. Some drunk dudes come over and try to dance with us girls, who are drinking very little (I think they were doing that for my benefit and I'll always appreciate it). I spent most of the night in a state of shock. It was just a normal party, but it was my first experience around this scene. And I had no shoes.
By the end of the night D is completely trashed and R is getting there. C drives us home about 4am. I enter the room quietly as to not wake up my roommate, but she is still up, waiting for me. I think this is the first night I know that she actually cares about me. She said that she knew I would be a bit freaked out and she was here if I wanted to talk. I was too tired to really appreciate this at the time, but took it up the next afternoon when we examined my socks. I swear, if anyone ever takes the time to go through my socks they will find a pair darker than the rest. No amount of Shout could return them to the same level of dirt of my other pairs.
After that night I knew I could survive at my university. I felt more welcomed by my roommate's (and soon my) group. I made friends in my classes and in my hall. I thought of this because I recently did my laundry. I was trying to match my socks based on how worn out they were and I found the socks from that night...they were the only ones I could match.
7.26.2009
A case of the worries
My apologies, this post will diverge from the general topic of college and branch into a whole bunch of things.
I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. About a lot of different futures in a lot of different points in my life that can go a lot of different ways. I kinda just want to get them out, but I'm not entirely sure how to begin.
I guess I'll start with the closest. I want to volunteer at the local Humane Society for the rest of summer. It probably won't happen because they make you take a information course, but it's only offered the 3rd (insert weekday that I forget here) every month. And this month's passed by the time I came up with this brilliant idea and the next one held is the week before I go back to school. Load of good that does me. But...at least I have ideas for what to do when I'm bored during a break? Of course, I won't have many of those in the future.
I'm so scared about living in an apartment next year. There is someone there who wasn't in the "original line-up" and this person might just make my life hell. At least I'm taking charge of the bills. That should be fun. And that means I should get the mailbox key! I'm kind of excited about checking mail everyday. I used to love doing that as a kid.
I want to take a whole bunch of cruises and I can't get that stupid idea out of my head no matter how many times I look at cruises and be like, "Ok, see these? Now put them aside and bring them up when you actually have the means to take a cruise oh a whim."
I want to go to Alaska with my mom and only my mom. I want to bond with her before it's too late. I feel like I know nothing about what my parents were like before they were parents and that sucks. I finally realize that I don't know my family. I mentioned it to her in passing and she was like, "Not this summer, right?" I said no, the next, but that makes me worried too b/c I'm going to Japan next summer! How will it fit?! And my brother graduates high school! I can't miss that! But that means the cruise would have to be in the maybe 2 weeks I have after school gets out and before my brother graduates and my dad and brother won't want to take care of the dogs!
My boyfriend wants to take a cruise to somewhere warm so I thought of the Caribbean. Perfect winter break idea. Week after holidays, right before school starts. But that means we can't go to California like we did last winter break. Or to Colorado to ski like we kind of planned last year (we were sleep deprived and almost decided to take an extra weekend to ski in Colorado meaning we get back almost midnight the day he goes back to school). Or go to NYC like I kind of wanted.
Kinda speaking of my boyfriend, from time to time one of us will say something about after college and it's always assumed we'll be together. Living together, taking vacations together, working in the same city-ish. That's a really big assumption to make and I think we both know that we'll take any job we can get, but it's weird thinking we could be on completely opposite ends of the country. But that's still 2 years away until I have to deal with that one. I'm not even going to get into the possibilities of more than 2 years with him. Not this publicly, not when I'm being this candid.
Oh, going back to cruises, there's my desire to take a cruise and hit Italy and France and Spain and maybe Greece again. Egypt would be cool too. After a 7 to 10 day cruise, I could spend no more than a week hitting other major European cities. Actually, a friend put the idea in my head and it's something I would like to do with a group after we graduate college (the group in my head are all HS grads from 08). But I graduate a semester early, one member is going onto med school, another is on a completely different school schedule than the others...I don't know the details of the others but I'm sure there will be issues there too. No clue how that will work.
I'm worried about going to Japan and how I'll do with my host family since I'm not taking a language course this year. I'm afraid I will get lost - I'll need to make sure to bring my GPS with me. Hopefully that will do the trick. I'm not sure who will go next summer since it's usually a lot of freshman and I don't know them. Ugh, I hope someone from my year-ish considers going. It will make me a lot more comfortable.
Now that I'm on the college topic, I'm taking two journalism courses next semester and I cannot wait to get started on those. But I don't know what to expect and one is writing intensive and I really need to do well so I can get into my sequence early...I think I'm going to turn this future concern into a separate blog post. It's kind of important.
So somewhere in all that cruise talk, my boyfriend mentioned that boats sink. Even though I assured him of the boat's safety that got me thinking about my death. The absence of everything. I'm less scared than I used to be, but only when I think about dying at an old age, having fulfilled everything I want to do (family aspects not included, many of those things are hinted at in this post) - like that one Scrubs episode where a patient (an old lady) doesn't want her family to know she will die soon. JD doesn't understand how she can be so calm about death. He creates a list of things he thinks people should do before they die and reads it to her during his afternoon off. The dying woman has done everything, but points out that he probably hasn't done more than a handful. She tells him to go out, enjoy his day off and to work on that list. I want to be that woman! I have a small list of things in my head, but it's more of a "do before you're 30" list.
All this boils down to is that I have a lot of things I want to do and no clue how to make it happen. Yet. I just need to calm down and trust that when it gets closer to when I can actually do these things I will follow through.
I think in the meantime I'm just going to blog surf and flip through the infinite number of cruises out there. That calms me down enough for me to sleep.
I've been thinking a lot about the future lately. About a lot of different futures in a lot of different points in my life that can go a lot of different ways. I kinda just want to get them out, but I'm not entirely sure how to begin.
I guess I'll start with the closest. I want to volunteer at the local Humane Society for the rest of summer. It probably won't happen because they make you take a information course, but it's only offered the 3rd (insert weekday that I forget here) every month. And this month's passed by the time I came up with this brilliant idea and the next one held is the week before I go back to school. Load of good that does me. But...at least I have ideas for what to do when I'm bored during a break? Of course, I won't have many of those in the future.
I'm so scared about living in an apartment next year. There is someone there who wasn't in the "original line-up" and this person might just make my life hell. At least I'm taking charge of the bills. That should be fun. And that means I should get the mailbox key! I'm kind of excited about checking mail everyday. I used to love doing that as a kid.
I want to take a whole bunch of cruises and I can't get that stupid idea out of my head no matter how many times I look at cruises and be like, "Ok, see these? Now put them aside and bring them up when you actually have the means to take a cruise oh a whim."
I want to go to Alaska with my mom and only my mom. I want to bond with her before it's too late. I feel like I know nothing about what my parents were like before they were parents and that sucks. I finally realize that I don't know my family. I mentioned it to her in passing and she was like, "Not this summer, right?" I said no, the next, but that makes me worried too b/c I'm going to Japan next summer! How will it fit?! And my brother graduates high school! I can't miss that! But that means the cruise would have to be in the maybe 2 weeks I have after school gets out and before my brother graduates and my dad and brother won't want to take care of the dogs!
My boyfriend wants to take a cruise to somewhere warm so I thought of the Caribbean. Perfect winter break idea. Week after holidays, right before school starts. But that means we can't go to California like we did last winter break. Or to Colorado to ski like we kind of planned last year (we were sleep deprived and almost decided to take an extra weekend to ski in Colorado meaning we get back almost midnight the day he goes back to school). Or go to NYC like I kind of wanted.
Kinda speaking of my boyfriend, from time to time one of us will say something about after college and it's always assumed we'll be together. Living together, taking vacations together, working in the same city-ish. That's a really big assumption to make and I think we both know that we'll take any job we can get, but it's weird thinking we could be on completely opposite ends of the country. But that's still 2 years away until I have to deal with that one. I'm not even going to get into the possibilities of more than 2 years with him. Not this publicly, not when I'm being this candid.
Oh, going back to cruises, there's my desire to take a cruise and hit Italy and France and Spain and maybe Greece again. Egypt would be cool too. After a 7 to 10 day cruise, I could spend no more than a week hitting other major European cities. Actually, a friend put the idea in my head and it's something I would like to do with a group after we graduate college (the group in my head are all HS grads from 08). But I graduate a semester early, one member is going onto med school, another is on a completely different school schedule than the others...I don't know the details of the others but I'm sure there will be issues there too. No clue how that will work.
I'm worried about going to Japan and how I'll do with my host family since I'm not taking a language course this year. I'm afraid I will get lost - I'll need to make sure to bring my GPS with me. Hopefully that will do the trick. I'm not sure who will go next summer since it's usually a lot of freshman and I don't know them. Ugh, I hope someone from my year-ish considers going. It will make me a lot more comfortable.
Now that I'm on the college topic, I'm taking two journalism courses next semester and I cannot wait to get started on those. But I don't know what to expect and one is writing intensive and I really need to do well so I can get into my sequence early...I think I'm going to turn this future concern into a separate blog post. It's kind of important.
So somewhere in all that cruise talk, my boyfriend mentioned that boats sink. Even though I assured him of the boat's safety that got me thinking about my death. The absence of everything. I'm less scared than I used to be, but only when I think about dying at an old age, having fulfilled everything I want to do (family aspects not included, many of those things are hinted at in this post) - like that one Scrubs episode where a patient (an old lady) doesn't want her family to know she will die soon. JD doesn't understand how she can be so calm about death. He creates a list of things he thinks people should do before they die and reads it to her during his afternoon off. The dying woman has done everything, but points out that he probably hasn't done more than a handful. She tells him to go out, enjoy his day off and to work on that list. I want to be that woman! I have a small list of things in my head, but it's more of a "do before you're 30" list.
All this boils down to is that I have a lot of things I want to do and no clue how to make it happen. Yet. I just need to calm down and trust that when it gets closer to when I can actually do these things I will follow through.
I think in the meantime I'm just going to blog surf and flip through the infinite number of cruises out there. That calms me down enough for me to sleep.
7.11.2009
Making it All Fit
Late first semester, a girl across the hall had a project that inspired me to create a plan of study. Nearly every class I needed to take was on an Excel spreadsheet, organized into neat charts explaining what that course was, what requirement it fulfilled and when I would be taking it. I created a table to show the courses I was taking by semester and their hours, added these up by semester and totaled them all together to make sure I met the requirements to graduate. I made sure everything fit into the three and a half years I planned on staying at the university (I brought a in lot of previous credits). I had it all planned out. I was a Photojournalism major with three minors. I was good to go. I never had to worry about my courses again.
But then...my first minor was dropped due to lack of funding. Actually, according to an email from the school over the summer, this minor is once again available...gee, thanks university for causing all this for no reason! It's not solely that department's fault though. After doing a bit more research, I didn't really like the second minor. I thought it went nice with Photojournalism, but many of the courses didn't relate or interest me so I would have dropped that anyway. This left me scrambling, seeing if I could find another possible minor that would interest me. I had empty spots in my charts to fill! Certainly nothing scientific. Math was out of the question. I considered English for a while (my university supposedly has a decent English program), but there were too many choices to make. I couldn't pick up another foreign language and everything else just seemed totally unrelated to journalism. So I looked into the Japanese major.
Japanese is hidden at my school. The courses are not listed in the Romance Languages and Literature department, but in the German and Russian Studies department. If you want to minor or major in it, however, you have to go to the Special Degree Programs department. Technically, my second major is International Studies with an emphasis on East Asian Studies. I am often tempted to add "specifically Japan" on the end, just because it sounds so pretentious. Honestly, it's for clarification. Now I just say Japanese. If my professor caught me saying that, he would lecture me, so shhh, don't tell.
After clearing my three minors from my spreadsheet, I faced the daunting task of looking up a whole new set of requirements for my new major. I also had to work in 12 more credits, since to double major at my university you need that many more credits to graduate...it makes no sense to me. I filled enough spaces with blank three credit hour courses, distributing the course load as evenly as possible. It still fits in three and a half years. Barely. I am at or just under the limit of hours you can take without special permission almost the whole way through. I have no room for error. If I mess up anywhere, my whole schedule is thrown off. That's why I won't. I have worked my tail off for a year to make sure that I can keep this semester early graduation. I will work my tail until I see this through.
Most people who double major take an extra semester or an extra year to graduate. I'm taking one less than what is expected for one major. My adviser doesn't think I will be able to do it, but I know I can.
But then...my first minor was dropped due to lack of funding. Actually, according to an email from the school over the summer, this minor is once again available...gee, thanks university for causing all this for no reason! It's not solely that department's fault though. After doing a bit more research, I didn't really like the second minor. I thought it went nice with Photojournalism, but many of the courses didn't relate or interest me so I would have dropped that anyway. This left me scrambling, seeing if I could find another possible minor that would interest me. I had empty spots in my charts to fill! Certainly nothing scientific. Math was out of the question. I considered English for a while (my university supposedly has a decent English program), but there were too many choices to make. I couldn't pick up another foreign language and everything else just seemed totally unrelated to journalism. So I looked into the Japanese major.
Japanese is hidden at my school. The courses are not listed in the Romance Languages and Literature department, but in the German and Russian Studies department. If you want to minor or major in it, however, you have to go to the Special Degree Programs department. Technically, my second major is International Studies with an emphasis on East Asian Studies. I am often tempted to add "specifically Japan" on the end, just because it sounds so pretentious. Honestly, it's for clarification. Now I just say Japanese. If my professor caught me saying that, he would lecture me, so shhh, don't tell.
After clearing my three minors from my spreadsheet, I faced the daunting task of looking up a whole new set of requirements for my new major. I also had to work in 12 more credits, since to double major at my university you need that many more credits to graduate...it makes no sense to me. I filled enough spaces with blank three credit hour courses, distributing the course load as evenly as possible. It still fits in three and a half years. Barely. I am at or just under the limit of hours you can take without special permission almost the whole way through. I have no room for error. If I mess up anywhere, my whole schedule is thrown off. That's why I won't. I have worked my tail off for a year to make sure that I can keep this semester early graduation. I will work my tail until I see this through.
Most people who double major take an extra semester or an extra year to graduate. I'm taking one less than what is expected for one major. My adviser doesn't think I will be able to do it, but I know I can.
7.10.2009
Decisions, Decisions
We all make a lot of decisions in our lives. That sounds so typical. What I really mean is that we make decisions about who our friends are. This effects who we become. It effects our choices when it comes to our majors. A bit of a stretch, but let me explain.
As I've mentioned, I used to live in California. Northern California. Silicon Valley, if you must know, but I won't get more specific than that. I went to public school. I've always gone to public school. Well, save for preschool, but that's never public, it's glorified babysitting. I digress. My point with this is that my friends in Silicon Valley were very typical students in Silicon Valley with very typical families in Silicon Valley. Their parents are business men and women, people who work for Yahoo and eBay. They are engineers who work for IBM and Google. They are doctors and medical researchers. This is what I grew up in. A competitive region where you are only as good as your SAT score. Where your friends help you, but secretly pray that you just bombed the latest test. Where AP classes are expected to be taken and aced (IB had yet to break onto the scene, but I am sure it is comparable to AP). Where if an AP class is unavailable an honors course will suffice. Where, by the age of 16, you have your life pretty much set. You know what you want. You know how you will get there. Your parents support this. Your friends support it.
Most of my friends had dreams of becoming successful in ways very similar to their parents. And now that we are in college, most are starting on the path that will lead them to this dream. Some are business majors. Some are computer science majors. Some are engineering majors. Some are biology and chemistry majors in preparation for medical school post graduation. The few that took the arts path want to end up in video game design. I cannot think of a single person who is not planning to graduate with a bachelors degree in more than four years, even if they are double majoring.
Please compare this to the two states in the Midwest where I now have friends. The environment is the same. Their parents are doctors and medical researchers and business men and women and engineers. We had SAT tutors and competed against each other for the top spots in everything academic. Yet, for some reason I can't explain, most are undecided. They want to join fraternities and sororities. Most have a desire to be in the liberal arts. Some want to be successful entrepreneurs. There are the handful that want to be doctors or engineers, but these are far and few between.
The overall environment is the same. The upbringing is similar. So why such dramatically different results? Where did my friends from the Midwest make that choice, that decision, to stray away from the path their parents laid out for them? I can't answer these questions for them, nor do I wish to. I do wish that my Midwest friends could be the same way as my California friends. I think the world would be better off with more driven people.
As I've mentioned, I used to live in California. Northern California. Silicon Valley, if you must know, but I won't get more specific than that. I went to public school. I've always gone to public school. Well, save for preschool, but that's never public, it's glorified babysitting. I digress. My point with this is that my friends in Silicon Valley were very typical students in Silicon Valley with very typical families in Silicon Valley. Their parents are business men and women, people who work for Yahoo and eBay. They are engineers who work for IBM and Google. They are doctors and medical researchers. This is what I grew up in. A competitive region where you are only as good as your SAT score. Where your friends help you, but secretly pray that you just bombed the latest test. Where AP classes are expected to be taken and aced (IB had yet to break onto the scene, but I am sure it is comparable to AP). Where if an AP class is unavailable an honors course will suffice. Where, by the age of 16, you have your life pretty much set. You know what you want. You know how you will get there. Your parents support this. Your friends support it.
Most of my friends had dreams of becoming successful in ways very similar to their parents. And now that we are in college, most are starting on the path that will lead them to this dream. Some are business majors. Some are computer science majors. Some are engineering majors. Some are biology and chemistry majors in preparation for medical school post graduation. The few that took the arts path want to end up in video game design. I cannot think of a single person who is not planning to graduate with a bachelors degree in more than four years, even if they are double majoring.
Please compare this to the two states in the Midwest where I now have friends. The environment is the same. Their parents are doctors and medical researchers and business men and women and engineers. We had SAT tutors and competed against each other for the top spots in everything academic. Yet, for some reason I can't explain, most are undecided. They want to join fraternities and sororities. Most have a desire to be in the liberal arts. Some want to be successful entrepreneurs. There are the handful that want to be doctors or engineers, but these are far and few between.
The overall environment is the same. The upbringing is similar. So why such dramatically different results? Where did my friends from the Midwest make that choice, that decision, to stray away from the path their parents laid out for them? I can't answer these questions for them, nor do I wish to. I do wish that my Midwest friends could be the same way as my California friends. I think the world would be better off with more driven people.
7.09.2009
Postponing Graduation
It's been a while since I talked about the academic aspects of college here, so I'll start with my plan before delving into the real reason I'm writing.
I am between my freshman and sophomore years. My major is photojournalism. I was going to have three minors (Japanese, Art and Psychology) but one of them doesn't have enough funding so it's status as a minor is questionable and the turned out to be not quite what I expected, so I am now double majoring in International Studies with an emphasis on East Asian Studies. All that is a lengthy way to say I am majoring in Japanese. I will study abroad the summer between my sophomore and junior years in Japan to fulfill my Int'l Studies requirement of studying abroad for four weeks or more. I will get six credits in upper level Japanese courses from this.
I will graduate in three and a half years.
No, I don't mean four and a half. I mean three and a half. No, not from this point in time. I mean overall. It will take me three and a half years to graduate with a double major. I'm not pulling any crazy stunts, I'm not taking more credits than are allowed without special permission.
I'm kind of proud of this fact. My parents are kind of stunned since my mom was a teacher and had to go to grad school and my dad switched majors so he had to take an extra year, but I think they're proud. They think I'm overwhelming myself, but don't say that to my face. Hooray for loyal siblings still at home to inform me of the truth.
Now that you know my general plan of study, allow me to talk about one of my friend's plan of study.
She is a Mechanical Engineering (ME) major, Spanish and math minor. It takes most people four and a half years (or four years and a summer) to graduate with a ME degree and Math minor. She will be taking six years and two summers, at least. The reason? She wants to study abroad a semester and take random classes because she likes their titles. Sound harsh? It is. But it gets even better.
I've been helping her make her plan of study since the end of last semester, but it's impossible because every other week, just as I'm finishing up the plan, she will come back to me changing something or other. "Leave room each semester so I can take a fun class." That'd be fine, but she's only taking the minimum credits required to be a full time student and struggling to pass all her classes. She has no room for fun. "I don't want to take three mechanical engineering classes at the same time." Later on, she's supposed to take that many; it's what the school tells you to do. I'm just trying to get her back on track for next year. Speaking of tracks, it's really difficult to try and keep her on any track. She just keeps jumping around. I almost want to tell her it would just be better if she went to a community college while working part time. She could explore her interests and not have to deal with working toward an ultimate goal. Then, when she is ready to finish her degree, she can attend the university we attend now, go heavy duty on the ME courses, be done in less than two years. It'd be cheaper too, but she has a full ride from a third party, so that doesn't matter.
Part of me thinks she just doesn't want to graduate. She doesn't know what she'll do with herself when someone isn't there to guide her. She's got a great personality, but she has no common sense. She can't and won't survive in the real world. She has no sense of who she is, and though she has big dreams of who she wants to become, no time frame or means of getting there.
Another example of someone who wants to stay in college. The first week of college, I met a 21 year old sophomore who has not taken a year off since high school. He has switched majors multiple times, but has finally settled on History. He attended community college for two years where he tore through three majors, a handful of minors and one study abroad attempt. Because of this conglomeration of courses, he transferred in as a sophomore. He attended my university for a year, but at the end of the second semester, he dropped out of my university and decided to go to another community college. He gave no reason for this. His academics were good. Even he claimed that the university I attend is the only public school in the state that will give him a decent degree in what he wants.
So why did he change schools? In our many conversations, I could never get my head around the fact that he was 21 (now 22) and only a sophomore. He comes across as a guy who knows what he wants in life. When we talked about the future, he had realistic goals and knew of ways to make these goals reality. I think he lives his life in slow motion. Graduate by the time I'm 30, marry by the time I'm 40, kids by 50.
I don't understand people like this. I plan to graduate early and most everyone else I know will graduate in four years - unless they are double majoring or are going on to some form of graduate school.
Actually, this leads me to want to compare some people, but I'll save that for my next post. I'm going to be updating this more frequently. I'll try to focus on topics related to college, but I might return to just talking about my life. I'll let you know when this happens.
I am between my freshman and sophomore years. My major is photojournalism. I was going to have three minors (Japanese, Art and Psychology) but one of them doesn't have enough funding so it's status as a minor is questionable and the turned out to be not quite what I expected, so I am now double majoring in International Studies with an emphasis on East Asian Studies. All that is a lengthy way to say I am majoring in Japanese. I will study abroad the summer between my sophomore and junior years in Japan to fulfill my Int'l Studies requirement of studying abroad for four weeks or more. I will get six credits in upper level Japanese courses from this.
I will graduate in three and a half years.
No, I don't mean four and a half. I mean three and a half. No, not from this point in time. I mean overall. It will take me three and a half years to graduate with a double major. I'm not pulling any crazy stunts, I'm not taking more credits than are allowed without special permission.
I'm kind of proud of this fact. My parents are kind of stunned since my mom was a teacher and had to go to grad school and my dad switched majors so he had to take an extra year, but I think they're proud. They think I'm overwhelming myself, but don't say that to my face. Hooray for loyal siblings still at home to inform me of the truth.
Now that you know my general plan of study, allow me to talk about one of my friend's plan of study.
She is a Mechanical Engineering (ME) major, Spanish and math minor. It takes most people four and a half years (or four years and a summer) to graduate with a ME degree and Math minor. She will be taking six years and two summers, at least. The reason? She wants to study abroad a semester and take random classes because she likes their titles. Sound harsh? It is. But it gets even better.
I've been helping her make her plan of study since the end of last semester, but it's impossible because every other week, just as I'm finishing up the plan, she will come back to me changing something or other. "Leave room each semester so I can take a fun class." That'd be fine, but she's only taking the minimum credits required to be a full time student and struggling to pass all her classes. She has no room for fun. "I don't want to take three mechanical engineering classes at the same time." Later on, she's supposed to take that many; it's what the school tells you to do. I'm just trying to get her back on track for next year. Speaking of tracks, it's really difficult to try and keep her on any track. She just keeps jumping around. I almost want to tell her it would just be better if she went to a community college while working part time. She could explore her interests and not have to deal with working toward an ultimate goal. Then, when she is ready to finish her degree, she can attend the university we attend now, go heavy duty on the ME courses, be done in less than two years. It'd be cheaper too, but she has a full ride from a third party, so that doesn't matter.
Part of me thinks she just doesn't want to graduate. She doesn't know what she'll do with herself when someone isn't there to guide her. She's got a great personality, but she has no common sense. She can't and won't survive in the real world. She has no sense of who she is, and though she has big dreams of who she wants to become, no time frame or means of getting there.
Another example of someone who wants to stay in college. The first week of college, I met a 21 year old sophomore who has not taken a year off since high school. He has switched majors multiple times, but has finally settled on History. He attended community college for two years where he tore through three majors, a handful of minors and one study abroad attempt. Because of this conglomeration of courses, he transferred in as a sophomore. He attended my university for a year, but at the end of the second semester, he dropped out of my university and decided to go to another community college. He gave no reason for this. His academics were good. Even he claimed that the university I attend is the only public school in the state that will give him a decent degree in what he wants.
So why did he change schools? In our many conversations, I could never get my head around the fact that he was 21 (now 22) and only a sophomore. He comes across as a guy who knows what he wants in life. When we talked about the future, he had realistic goals and knew of ways to make these goals reality. I think he lives his life in slow motion. Graduate by the time I'm 30, marry by the time I'm 40, kids by 50.
I don't understand people like this. I plan to graduate early and most everyone else I know will graduate in four years - unless they are double majoring or are going on to some form of graduate school.
Actually, this leads me to want to compare some people, but I'll save that for my next post. I'm going to be updating this more frequently. I'll try to focus on topics related to college, but I might return to just talking about my life. I'll let you know when this happens.
1.25.2009
There are...
Two people standing outside my door, making out.
Three hours until wish time.
Four people laughing in the room next door.
Five days until I am back home.
Six people who dislike me in this hall for my association with one person.
Seven weeks until spring break.
Eight people I can't live without.
Nine seconds until I see if people want to go get dinner.
Ten people who will probably never know their importance to me.
Three hours until wish time.
Four people laughing in the room next door.
Five days until I am back home.
Six people who dislike me in this hall for my association with one person.
Seven weeks until spring break.
Eight people I can't live without.
Nine seconds until I see if people want to go get dinner.
Ten people who will probably never know their importance to me.
12.12.2008
Progression
Since I started kindergarten, I've been aware that there was something that set me apart from the rest of the students. Before now I've never been able to put a finger on it, but now I know what it is.
I have a very fast learning curve, but it plateaus a bit earlier than most. Which is odd, considering that my IQ is in the top 5% (assuming normal distribution). I've noticed it in everything that I do. The academic subjects - reading, writing, spelling, grammar, math, science. Vocabulary is the one exception to this rule, but the many hours spent with SAT flashcards explain that. Of course, I rarely use even 50% of my vocabulary in everyday conversation. I don't know the standard rate, but that seems generous enough. Non-academic subjects - sports, video games, cooking. I am able to keep my head far above water with regards to technology, but I attribute that to growing up in the capitol of Silicon Valley.
At any rate, I just noticed this today after a bit of consideration and just thought I'd share.
I have a very fast learning curve, but it plateaus a bit earlier than most. Which is odd, considering that my IQ is in the top 5% (assuming normal distribution). I've noticed it in everything that I do. The academic subjects - reading, writing, spelling, grammar, math, science. Vocabulary is the one exception to this rule, but the many hours spent with SAT flashcards explain that. Of course, I rarely use even 50% of my vocabulary in everyday conversation. I don't know the standard rate, but that seems generous enough. Non-academic subjects - sports, video games, cooking. I am able to keep my head far above water with regards to technology, but I attribute that to growing up in the capitol of Silicon Valley.
At any rate, I just noticed this today after a bit of consideration and just thought I'd share.
10.30.2008
Is This College Life?
I don't know. Maybe it's just me. But there are so many things that piss me off about my roommate that no one else seems to notice. Maybe it comes from living with the person. Maybe it comes from having a very different moral structure. Maybe it's just because I was raised to conduct myself properly.
Whatever the reason, I seriously hope that I do not live with her next semester. In fact, I hope I only have contact with a few people in the group I have found myself in and even that contact better be limited to the weekdays or the weekends they choose not to consume alcohol or mess with illegal substances. Which, in reality, will be never.
I really do not think that any of them have any idea how much I hate the way they act. How much they have driven me to hate my decision to come here. How much I want to just run away every weekend and never come back.
Sometimes I think about my life back in high school and wonder if the people I was friends with then will still be the same people now. Have they changed so much too? Do they drink every weekend with no regard for the law or their own morals? I hope not. I don't want to feel so alone in this world.
It has occurred to me that I could conduct a study here, for my own personal enjoyment, to discover the reason why these people partake in the activities they do, but for reasons not mentioned here that could get very personal very quickly. Perhaps that is not the best idea.
But I really do not understand it. And I want to. I have no desire to ever get drunk or ever get high, yet these people crave it. Is it the freedom? Liberation? Thrill of doing something illegal? Are they simply chasing their first high? What drove them to try in the first place? Peer pressure? Am I the only one strong enough to resist? So many questions running through my head that I want answered. But I can't ask them. It goes back to how I was raised. It is socially unacceptable to ask such personal questions without invitation.
Speaking of how I was raised, my roommate has introduced me to another aspect of college that I am glad to not be partaking in - the random hook up. To clarify, this does not mean simply making out or cuddling. This is the whole shebang, the phrase "hook up" being used to the fullest extent. The first week she did not stay in our room at least twice. She was never "official" with this hook up, and moved on to another fairly quickly. She was unofficially with this one for about a week before randomly returning home and randomly hooking up with someone there before returning to her second hook up. Though she is now pursuing an actual relationship with this one, she will move on if he does not make a move. I am counting the days until hook up number four.
I know a few people in relationships that both go to this college, but live in different dorms. They seem very happy and spend a lot of time together, but not much apart. As I am one of a few people I know in a long distance relationship, I envy this closeness distance wise, but feel that I would not want to spend so much time with my boyfriend. I want to sit them down and ask how it is and if they ever get annoyed by being around each other so often, but that just seems like I would be prying into their relationship too much. The girl across the hall is in a long distance relationship, about the same distance as mine. Her's is not as strong as mine, but they seem to make it work better. I have a different set of questions for her, but again, I do not want to pry.
Somewhere in all these musings, there is a question (and some follow ups, if applicable) I would like to pose to anyone who happens to stumble across this. What was/is/do you imagine will be your first year of college like on the social front? If this includes illegal use of...well, anything, why did you choose that? Had you tried it before? Was peer pressure ever involved? If this includes many "random hook ups," what caused them? Did any grow into anything more? If you were in a relationship, did your significant other attend the same college or did they attend another college? How did that work out? What did you do to try and make it work?
I have so many questions, but no possible way of getting any answers. There are no textbooks for things such as this.
Whatever the reason, I seriously hope that I do not live with her next semester. In fact, I hope I only have contact with a few people in the group I have found myself in and even that contact better be limited to the weekdays or the weekends they choose not to consume alcohol or mess with illegal substances. Which, in reality, will be never.
I really do not think that any of them have any idea how much I hate the way they act. How much they have driven me to hate my decision to come here. How much I want to just run away every weekend and never come back.
Sometimes I think about my life back in high school and wonder if the people I was friends with then will still be the same people now. Have they changed so much too? Do they drink every weekend with no regard for the law or their own morals? I hope not. I don't want to feel so alone in this world.
It has occurred to me that I could conduct a study here, for my own personal enjoyment, to discover the reason why these people partake in the activities they do, but for reasons not mentioned here that could get very personal very quickly. Perhaps that is not the best idea.
But I really do not understand it. And I want to. I have no desire to ever get drunk or ever get high, yet these people crave it. Is it the freedom? Liberation? Thrill of doing something illegal? Are they simply chasing their first high? What drove them to try in the first place? Peer pressure? Am I the only one strong enough to resist? So many questions running through my head that I want answered. But I can't ask them. It goes back to how I was raised. It is socially unacceptable to ask such personal questions without invitation.
Speaking of how I was raised, my roommate has introduced me to another aspect of college that I am glad to not be partaking in - the random hook up. To clarify, this does not mean simply making out or cuddling. This is the whole shebang, the phrase "hook up" being used to the fullest extent. The first week she did not stay in our room at least twice. She was never "official" with this hook up, and moved on to another fairly quickly. She was unofficially with this one for about a week before randomly returning home and randomly hooking up with someone there before returning to her second hook up. Though she is now pursuing an actual relationship with this one, she will move on if he does not make a move. I am counting the days until hook up number four.
I know a few people in relationships that both go to this college, but live in different dorms. They seem very happy and spend a lot of time together, but not much apart. As I am one of a few people I know in a long distance relationship, I envy this closeness distance wise, but feel that I would not want to spend so much time with my boyfriend. I want to sit them down and ask how it is and if they ever get annoyed by being around each other so often, but that just seems like I would be prying into their relationship too much. The girl across the hall is in a long distance relationship, about the same distance as mine. Her's is not as strong as mine, but they seem to make it work better. I have a different set of questions for her, but again, I do not want to pry.
Somewhere in all these musings, there is a question (and some follow ups, if applicable) I would like to pose to anyone who happens to stumble across this. What was/is/do you imagine will be your first year of college like on the social front? If this includes illegal use of...well, anything, why did you choose that? Had you tried it before? Was peer pressure ever involved? If this includes many "random hook ups," what caused them? Did any grow into anything more? If you were in a relationship, did your significant other attend the same college or did they attend another college? How did that work out? What did you do to try and make it work?
I have so many questions, but no possible way of getting any answers. There are no textbooks for things such as this.
8.22.2008
LDR
Having never been in a relationship where the two people see each other every day, I just assumed that a long distance relationship would be very simple. I mean, when we first started dating, we were an hour away. What is five more? We don't see each other every day anyway, so why does distance matter?
Trust me, it does. Very much so.
It's been little more than 36 hours since I last hung out with my boyfriend. I feel like crying. I want to be with him. The breaks cannot come soon enough.
Trust me, it does. Very much so.
It's been little more than 36 hours since I last hung out with my boyfriend. I feel like crying. I want to be with him. The breaks cannot come soon enough.
8.06.2008
College Bound
It has come to my attention that during the summer between one's senior year of high school and first year of college, very thick, bold, "do not cross" lines are drawn between those staying in state and those going out of state.
I'm not exactly sure of the cause for this division, nor do I particularly enjoy it. It is just a fact I would like take some time and point out.
Maybe I dislike this juvenile behavior simply because I am in the minority of my close friends, being someone who is going out of state. Maybe it's just my friends being, well, stupid. Maybe it's something I'm doing subconsciously to act superior and thus, driving them away. Whatever's going on, it sucks.
I believe this conundrum extends beyond merely dividing the groups. For when an attempt to unite the two parties and attend some sort of event is made, the "In State" party wishes to stay close to home. The "Out of State" party wishes to travel. Neither party is wrong per say, it's just amusing.
As a member of the "Out of State" party seeking something similar to unity between the groups, I have often tried to find common ground with the "In State" party. From conversing over fears, such as roommates and heavy partying, to the simpler things in life, such as what to bring to the dorms, I have found that discussion is strained at best. I get the impression that the "In State" party members feel that simply because I am not attending a college a two hour radius - assuming one is traveling by car - from my current address, I must not or can not relate to their future college experience.
While attending summer orientation at the college of my choice - a prominent school for my major of choice located in the Midwest or South, depending on your map - I experienced this as well. The "In State" members stuck with other "In State" members, while the few "Out of State" members foundered, looking for another fish out of water to converse with. The lines were as clearly drawn as they had been in my home state.
I have spoken with students of a larger and more heavily populated state to see if they experienced a similar situation. I spoke to mainly "In State" members, a few "Out of State" members and even an "Out of Country" member. They did not experience what I can only refer to as "In State Elitism." The "In State" members has a wider range of "distances from current address" as these numbers ranged from one and a half hours to more than seven. "Out of State" members found themselves across the country, and the "Out of Country" member will be halfway around the world. Yet, all of these parties were able to come together near the end of their summer to attend an event more than two hours away. Some even got together for a second event a slight bit closer to home. As I observed them converse about college, there were no visible signs of stress or strain and not a single awkward pause.
So why is this elitism local to the Midwest?
My conclusion is that since a large group of the "In State" party will be attending the same college, or will be in a reasonable driving distance to meet up for a Saturday night party, they are eliminating those they will only see on breaks because the friendship would require too much work to keep up.
Get real people. I've kept in contact with friends across the country for two years. But this? This is beyond just me now. Can't you put some effort into keeping the friends you've had all your life?
I'm not exactly sure of the cause for this division, nor do I particularly enjoy it. It is just a fact I would like take some time and point out.
Maybe I dislike this juvenile behavior simply because I am in the minority of my close friends, being someone who is going out of state. Maybe it's just my friends being, well, stupid. Maybe it's something I'm doing subconsciously to act superior and thus, driving them away. Whatever's going on, it sucks.
I believe this conundrum extends beyond merely dividing the groups. For when an attempt to unite the two parties and attend some sort of event is made, the "In State" party wishes to stay close to home. The "Out of State" party wishes to travel. Neither party is wrong per say, it's just amusing.
As a member of the "Out of State" party seeking something similar to unity between the groups, I have often tried to find common ground with the "In State" party. From conversing over fears, such as roommates and heavy partying, to the simpler things in life, such as what to bring to the dorms, I have found that discussion is strained at best. I get the impression that the "In State" party members feel that simply because I am not attending a college a two hour radius - assuming one is traveling by car - from my current address, I must not or can not relate to their future college experience.
While attending summer orientation at the college of my choice - a prominent school for my major of choice located in the Midwest or South, depending on your map - I experienced this as well. The "In State" members stuck with other "In State" members, while the few "Out of State" members foundered, looking for another fish out of water to converse with. The lines were as clearly drawn as they had been in my home state.
I have spoken with students of a larger and more heavily populated state to see if they experienced a similar situation. I spoke to mainly "In State" members, a few "Out of State" members and even an "Out of Country" member. They did not experience what I can only refer to as "In State Elitism." The "In State" members has a wider range of "distances from current address" as these numbers ranged from one and a half hours to more than seven. "Out of State" members found themselves across the country, and the "Out of Country" member will be halfway around the world. Yet, all of these parties were able to come together near the end of their summer to attend an event more than two hours away. Some even got together for a second event a slight bit closer to home. As I observed them converse about college, there were no visible signs of stress or strain and not a single awkward pause.
So why is this elitism local to the Midwest?
My conclusion is that since a large group of the "In State" party will be attending the same college, or will be in a reasonable driving distance to meet up for a Saturday night party, they are eliminating those they will only see on breaks because the friendship would require too much work to keep up.
Get real people. I've kept in contact with friends across the country for two years. But this? This is beyond just me now. Can't you put some effort into keeping the friends you've had all your life?
7.17.2008
Acting (im)Mature
I've always been told by adults that I act older than my age. I wonder if they were really watching me. I think I act younger.
Oh, don't get me wrong, I know how to act older, I just choose not to most of the time. It's no fun. I always associate acting mature with unhappiness and problems and responsibilities that I, as someone who is not yet a "true" adult, has no business dealing with. However as someone who is technically an adult, perhaps I should start worrying about these things. But don't you just have those times where all you want is to swing as high as you possibly can at the park?
I don't know. I think society is messed up. Society seems to think I should be "having fun" with my friends at the mall or my boyfriend in the back of his car or at some party with a bunch of people I don't know. Not happily swinging in the park. Doing just this gets me many stares because I'm having fun at an age where I shouldn't be having fun that way. But society doesn't want me spending my parents money at the mall because that's a waste. Society doesn't want me making out with my boyfriend because that can lead to many other things of higher consequence. Society doesn't want me at some party because that could end up with me dead in the middle of the highway after causing some other poor kid's death.
I really do not understand society. Just because I fall into a particular age range, I am not subject to many stereotypes regarding all aspects of my life. I will not be hypocritical and shun them all, because I do believe that some of those assumptions hold true for most cases, but to look at someone and say, "I know exactly how you are," just because I was born in a certain year really bugs me. Maybe it's because of the whole tolerance thing I've got going on.
I guess this is how I'm supposed to try and convince you I can be mature. I don't think it's working.
So where does this all leave me? I'm still at the same place I started. Just another new adult wondering how to keep her childhood while at the same time growing up.
It's not exactly working for me.
3.06.2008
Turning Point
So. It's been a while.
No really, it has been quite a long while. Let's sit down and talk. You free now?
Oh, I see. Well some other time maybe.
Maybe seems like all it will ever be. I feel like I've lost all my friends from back in sophomore year. From back at Leland. And the ones I have in Carmel just don't take the cake. Not like they did. I wonder whose fault that is really. I can't say it is her fault for not IMing me when she hasn't been online when I haven't made any efforts either. I can't say it is her fault we don't send letters back and forth like we swore we would when I haven't made any efforts to do just that. I can't say it is her fault when she is the one who is always there for me, who I always call, who I always turn to when I haven't made the same efforts for her. I can't say it is her fault that our friendship has changed in meaning when I haven't made efforts to preserve it.
So I turn to those out here. But she doesn't understand my past, she only understands the now. But she can't relate to my problems, she is so sheltered. But she won't see my side of the issue, she is on the other side. She can't be bothered by me anymore, she is too busy.
So who do I turn to when I am feeling down?
The ones who I can't see. I turn to Maryland. I turn to SoCal. I turn to Berkeley. I turn to Texas. I turn to Connecticut.
But none of those can take the place of the ones I had. So who do I have?
I've got me. And for now, that will have to do.
When an old friend from yearbook went to a private high school, those left behind were lost. Not all, and not all at the same time. Some slowly, some quickly. I finally understand this. I don't understand why, but I understand this as the process that all who move must go through eventually. I'll pick some to keep and some to leave, but the number will be smaller yet again. I worry that my decision will be the wrong one.
I wonder if there is a right way to go about doing this. How do you say to someone who has been there in some of your worst times, "Sorry, it's such a bother to keep in touch with you as much as I deem necessary for such a friend, so I'm cutting you"?
The answer comes back faster than an echo.
You can't so you don't.
Hey you. It's been a while. Want to go sit down and talk with me a while?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)