Allow me to be upfront about this. I have no idea how many parts this will be or how lengthy you can expect said unknown number of parts to be. I don't know when I will post these, but don't expect them to be one after another. I only have personal experience with one long distance relationship, travel time in hours ranging from slightly over one to an average of six hours (all one way, of course). I have observed many types of college relationships, however, since my roommate and other people living in the dorms turned out to be quite good subjects.
Allow me to give you a roadmap. I shall be covering one on (long distance relationships) and three (possibly four if I have time) off. See what I did there debate nerds? Oh how I make myself laugh sometimes...
Long distance relationships in college are tough. It's not so bad if your colleges are only an hour or two apart. When you're that close, shelling out the gas money to see each other that weekend isn't too much of a big deal. I mean, of course it matters and is always appreciated, but compared to when a one-way trip is 6 hours (give or take a time zone) and about a full tank of gas (K claims he's made it just under a tank, but he gets 10 MPG better than I do and drives a lot slower getting to my university), well...there really is no comparison.
I'm not too sure what exactly I'm supposed to say. There's no set way to make a long distance relationship work. Most of the time, it doesn't work. You see each other two times a month at best and the breaks have to be split between bf-gf time and family time and that makes both parties frustrated (and you have to attend both family get-togethers...thank goodness I don't have much family out here, there's no way we'd be able to work that out).
People and websites will tell you that communication is key. It's bullshit. In college, you're always online. Via cell phone or laptop you're on Facebook and Twitter and some form of an instant messaging client. Webcams are built into about 50% of laptops and the PC lovers have probably had some form of a webcam for 3 years so the use of Skype is rampant. Failing internet service there is texting and [gasp] phone calls. It's when you're face-to-face that you stop trying so hard to communicate and things get misunderstood.
Not seeing each other gets difficult. I don't want to go into detail (no, nothing more than PG rated, don't you guys go thinking like that), but you really do miss just being around your SO. There's no way to get over that. You just have to deal with it.
I'm the only one I know out of all my friends - both Midwest states and California combined - that went into her first year of college with a boyfriend and came out with the same one. No, scratch that. I know of another. But she is no longer in a long distance relationship because she moved back to her hometown to take community college classes there. I'm happy for her that she could make that choice, but it's not one I would ever make. Anyway, back to the point. Most broke it off before college. I can think of one that attempted it. Two hours apart. I can't explain to you why these relationships ended, only speculate. And I have...a lot. But space will not be wasted on that, especially because I don't know the truth.
One of my very good friends, ex-neighbor, N, is entering college this year. She's going to Duke to study pre-med. She does plan to become a doctor, but she's also interested in prosthesis and rehabilitation, so a bit of tech is mixed in there. She will go into college with a boyfriend at the U of Maryland. Google Maps says it's 4 hours. She says it's 5. I don't know the traffic, so I'll give her the benefit - they'll probably have to pass around D.C. However, this couple is talking about using planes for travel. Since both colleges are relatively close to major airports and flights to and from are cheap (only slightly more expensive than driving, depending on gas prices) and easy to get, they plan to cut down on travel time and fly to see each other. It's a decent trade-off and I am looking forward to seeing how it will work out.
So that's it. My advice is as follows. Before you leave for college, ask yourself if you want to stay with this person. If you have doubt, end the relationship. It's not good to drag the other person along until you find their replacement locally. If you stay together, make sure you know what you're getting into, that you know where your limits are and how much you can deal with. Keep in touch, but keep your freedom. Try to make a plan with your SO before you leave...it probably won't be followed, but it'll make you feel better about the situation going into it.
No comments:
Post a Comment