Update

I'm in Utah, skiing with my dad. We flew out yesterday morning and skied the second half of the day at Park City, where the Olympics were held once upon a time. It felt good to get out on the snow again. But I'd been up since 2:30am Utah time. And now it was 7pm. Oh, did I mention I only got 2 hours of sleep the night before? Yeah, whoops. I was tired. I slept through two text messages and a phone call. Usually even the slightest noise from my cell phone wakes me up.

I woke up this morning after sleeping almost 12 hours to a phone call. It was R, calling to tell me our roommate, K, was dead. I'd heard about people's roommates committing suicide and the university letting them get an automatic pass for the semester. I wondered if they extended that to everyone, or if you had to live in the dorms to get that applied to you. The apartments where I live are half university, I just live in the non-university half. That was my first thought. The second was speculation about how she died, which was enforced as R went on, and confirmed later when I learned the exact details of her death.

So I've been in a bit of shock. I've cried a little bit. I don't think I ever hit the denial really. I wondered if it might have been R playing a cruel joke - that was one of those early thoughts - but she wouldn't do that. I've been angry at the circumstances surrounding the death. Mainly, I just wonder why. I can't bargain, but that's okay, the Kubler-Ross model says you only need to go through two. Of the five, that leaves depression and acceptance. I think I'll be depressed when I return to the apartment - we shared a side, after all, and it'll be weird not smelling her cooking all the time. Acceptance will come after that. But I think I'm pretty okay, considering, you know? My dad was out of the room when I got the call, doing business stuff, so I called him and asked him to come back to the room, which he did. We were a little late getting to the ski resort today, but not so much that we didn't have time to hit all the runs. Called my mom, who was at the airport on her way to her sorority sister's memorial (Dad's aunt died recently too, so there's the three, in case you follow that rule).

It's weird. So many thoughts kind of run through my head, like what are we going to do about her room at the apartment, but they just flow right out. When I mentioned earlier in the post that we shared a side I thought that I'd have to get a shower curtain since we one we have was her's. I don't want to deal with these thoughts right now, but they're thoughts that seem harmless to say, they have no bad consequence, and it's hard to keep them in. But I don't want to spoil this vacation for my dad - he hasn't been skiing for 3 years, and he loves skiing. He asked if I wanted to go home, or go to the nearest airport to where she lives. How could I do that to him? On one hand, I'd like to go be around friends who knew her and celebrate her life, but on the other, I think I would be an invader - I only met her at the beginning of the school year and we only developed a friendship this semester. I'll go to the funeral or memorial, certainly, once arrangements have been made. I have a couple of people keeping me in the loop.

Skiing's been great, actually. The place where we skied today doesn't allow snowboarders, which I didn't think I'd enjoy, but I did. Instead of all these people falling all over the place, it was mainly just little kids. And you can easily avoid them b/c they're small! (I've been making mad jokes all day, forgive me, I think it's a coping thing.) We're supposed to get snow tomorrow. Estimates range from 6 inches to a foot. The storm is just hovering over the city, the mountains are probably getting snow by now. You can see them from the window of the hotel. It's funny - we stayed at this hotel when we moved out to IN from CA. Dad just booked it and when we pulled off the highway and looked around it was like....wait a second...I remember that KFC.

True story - went to a Walmart with a parking garage. Check Facebook for pics later on in the week if you don't believe it. I'll have the typical pose at the top of the mountain and take a picture ones too.