I feel like I might have mentioned this before, but let me make this perfectly clear. I hate it when professors go overtime. Absolutely hate it. I don't like it when they let us out earlier either and it bugs me when people start packing up 3 minutes before class ends. I will give the professor a 30 second grace period, like they did in interp events, ya know? But beyond that, you're wasting my time.
It's incredibly rude! You have my attention and time from the second that clock hits the hour, or half hour depending on the start of class, to the very end of the 50 or 75 minutes. After that, we're done. I have other classes to go to, a bus to catch, a meeting to attend. I am not responsible for making sure that you transfer all your information to us in the time allotted. That is your problem.
My photojournalism professor is notorious for this, especially when we are critiquing photos. He'll go 5 minutes overtime without a thought. It's only when we're pushing 8 minutes overtime and the class after us is pushing through the door that he's like, "Oh, I suppose we should vacate the premises." He says that too! Gosh, it irks me so much. Now, for the 5th time in a row, instead of being able to go home and shower before my next class, I am sitting in one of our unions, passing the hour. I suppose he thinks it is acceptable because he cancels class often and on days that we don't critique, he lets us out sometimes 15 minutes early. It's nice of him. I do appreciate the time off. But I feel like instead of canceling class that often, he could take two class periods to critique and we wouldn't be rushed and there would be no need to go overtime.
But on the flip side of this, as I mentioned, is when people start packing up and putting away their notebooks or laptops 3-5 minutes before the end of class. I feel when people do this, they are telling the professor that they don't respect them. And when professors go overtime, they're telling us that they don't respect us! It's a terrible conundrum that I'm not sure how to fix. What do you guys think?
10.29.2010
10.27.2010
Relationships in College: Part 3
I has come to my attention that people are doing something I find more than a little ridiculous these days. It's called "talking." It's not face to face talking and having conversations. Oh no, that would be far too simple. It's texting. It's a freaking text based relationship.
I think this might be worse than online relationships.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying never text your significant other or never Skype (I don't EVEN want to know about the dirty Skyping sessions. Recently learned that those existed too. EW) or never IM each other until 2am. No. Do all those things. Just freaking establish an official relationship first.
My roommate got involved with this guy she met almost 2 months ago. He came up to visit for a weekend and since then they've texted a lot. Never really talked on the phone. The guy doesn't have frequent access to internet, so they can't do the online thing. Just texting. But he'd text her "Good morning sunshine" frequently and the last thing she'd read before bed was "Love you, sweet dreams, can't wait to see you again," or something of the like. Now, I'm not one to judge for moving into a relationship so quickly - god knows I am certainly capable of falling faster than an anvil for a new guy - but there was no relationship. They were just texting. Oh, excuse me. They were just "talking."
Two options: read or watch. Or both! It's more fun to have options. =)
Talking?! Seriously?! What are we, middle schoolers? Isn't that what a middle school relationship should be? When you guys hold hands during passing periods and your groups eat lunch together and you text constantly? Am I right?! I feel like I'm going crazy for expecting a relationship in college to be an actual serious relationship with two people committed to each other with physical and emotional intimacy. Under the talking doctrine there's just...what? Fake intimacy? False commitment? Shit son, why don't you just say you're hooking up. Oh wait! You never see the guy. So you really are just talking then. But it's a relationship. Riiiiiight.
Please, someone explain this to me. I just don't get it. Even less than I understand the friends with benefits. I need to write about the random hook up. I haven't experienced it, but at least I understand that a little bit better.
I think this might be worse than online relationships.
Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying never text your significant other or never Skype (I don't EVEN want to know about the dirty Skyping sessions. Recently learned that those existed too. EW) or never IM each other until 2am. No. Do all those things. Just freaking establish an official relationship first.
My roommate got involved with this guy she met almost 2 months ago. He came up to visit for a weekend and since then they've texted a lot. Never really talked on the phone. The guy doesn't have frequent access to internet, so they can't do the online thing. Just texting. But he'd text her "Good morning sunshine" frequently and the last thing she'd read before bed was "Love you, sweet dreams, can't wait to see you again," or something of the like. Now, I'm not one to judge for moving into a relationship so quickly - god knows I am certainly capable of falling faster than an anvil for a new guy - but there was no relationship. They were just texting. Oh, excuse me. They were just "talking."
Two options: read or watch. Or both! It's more fun to have options. =)
Talking?! Seriously?! What are we, middle schoolers? Isn't that what a middle school relationship should be? When you guys hold hands during passing periods and your groups eat lunch together and you text constantly? Am I right?! I feel like I'm going crazy for expecting a relationship in college to be an actual serious relationship with two people committed to each other with physical and emotional intimacy. Under the talking doctrine there's just...what? Fake intimacy? False commitment? Shit son, why don't you just say you're hooking up. Oh wait! You never see the guy. So you really are just talking then. But it's a relationship. Riiiiiight.
Please, someone explain this to me. I just don't get it. Even less than I understand the friends with benefits. I need to write about the random hook up. I haven't experienced it, but at least I understand that a little bit better.
10.25.2010
Fall
One thing I really appreciate since I've moved from CA to the Midwest is the changing of the seasons. In CA, you know it's fall when the highs move into the 70s and a few trees drop their leaves. In the Midwest, fall is when the leaves turn all sorts of colors and acorns rain on your head as you walk through the quad and when the lows are mid 30s and highs are 50s. In CA, you know it's fall when the sky randomly clouds over for a few minutes and the fog hangs around little longer in the mornings. In the Midwest, you know it's fall when the wind picks up and it's cloudy for almost a day and then the storms come for 3 or 4 hours and the day after it's completely still.
Allow me to paint you a picture. I wore jeans and a blue v-neck today. Plus a black/grey plaid scarf. Plus flip-flips. I walked out of my 5pm lab tonight around sunset. You wouldn't have known that though - the sky was a deep grey. It was surprisingly warm, probably mid 60s even accounting for the at least 15mph winds. I turned on my music player to this song and drummed and hummed and lip synced and danced my way to the bus. I have lab on the very north end of campus. The bus stop is in front of the student union, which is about as far south as you can go on the campus for classes. It's a solid 10 minute walk. So there I am, scarf twirling around me, flip-flips falling off my feet b/c I keep kicking them everywhere and jumping around. I got some weird looks from the engineering students. Then again, I usually do, so it's not terribly surprising. I think I made someone jump when I started singing with "And I replied you're listening to it here!" Most of the walk is under trees too, so I was hopping from leaf to crunchy leaf and making lots of noise.
And I couldn't help but feel happy. Like this is what college is about. I'm finally where I want to be in my life. A distant friend and I sat next to each other on the bus last week and we talked about how we've grown in college, what paths we went down that maybe we shouldn't have, which ones we liked. And I feel like it could all be summed up in that moment when I was dancing under the acorn shower. Contentment. You're at ease. You know what you want and how to get there and you don't have to be concerned with anything else that's going on, you're just living right in that moment. Sort of a peace and clarity thing going on. I think I have one of those moments every fall when the weather changes like this. It's quite wonderful.
Allow me to paint you a picture. I wore jeans and a blue v-neck today. Plus a black/grey plaid scarf. Plus flip-flips. I walked out of my 5pm lab tonight around sunset. You wouldn't have known that though - the sky was a deep grey. It was surprisingly warm, probably mid 60s even accounting for the at least 15mph winds. I turned on my music player to this song and drummed and hummed and lip synced and danced my way to the bus. I have lab on the very north end of campus. The bus stop is in front of the student union, which is about as far south as you can go on the campus for classes. It's a solid 10 minute walk. So there I am, scarf twirling around me, flip-flips falling off my feet b/c I keep kicking them everywhere and jumping around. I got some weird looks from the engineering students. Then again, I usually do, so it's not terribly surprising. I think I made someone jump when I started singing with "And I replied you're listening to it here!" Most of the walk is under trees too, so I was hopping from leaf to crunchy leaf and making lots of noise.
And I couldn't help but feel happy. Like this is what college is about. I'm finally where I want to be in my life. A distant friend and I sat next to each other on the bus last week and we talked about how we've grown in college, what paths we went down that maybe we shouldn't have, which ones we liked. And I feel like it could all be summed up in that moment when I was dancing under the acorn shower. Contentment. You're at ease. You know what you want and how to get there and you don't have to be concerned with anything else that's going on, you're just living right in that moment. Sort of a peace and clarity thing going on. I think I have one of those moments every fall when the weather changes like this. It's quite wonderful.
10.13.2010
Doors
I'm not sure if this is a college thing or a Midwest thing, so I'd like to throw it out there for your thought. I've been at college for two full years and a couple months now, and I've had plenty of time to go back to the real world for extended periods of time and travel around the country and all that stuff. And I've noticed something.
No matter what college you're at, people hold doors open for others. Now, it's not always the official, "here let me get that door while I let a whole line of people walk in." No, I'm not saying that, but people do indeed push/pull doors open behind them or wait for people to go through...it's not just the selfish "get the door for myself and myself only" mentality I dealt with in high school. I think it has to do with the massive volume of people rushing in and out of buildings, but I can't be certain. It might just be a Midwest thing, since I've never been to a West coast college during their normal school year, but I'm inclined to think that's not so. I am fairly certain it's just a college thing though because people certainly don't do this outside of college towns. I get doors slamming shut in my face anytime I go back home or to an area that isn't centered around the college. People just aren't as aware of other people.
I think it's a really great little gesture that makes people a bit happier. It's really not a big deal, but isn't it nice when you go to open a door and it's not coming back at you with full force from the guy ahead of you who just barged his way through? And you think to yourself, oh, yay, that was more convenient. And you hold the door open as you walk in so the person behind you doesn't have to slam their way through either and the chain just continues! We'd be saving arm strength and helping rid the world of grumpy people at the same time! But people don't do that in the real world. I had someone almost slam into me when I was walking into a restaurant (side note: Japanese totally ruined my ability to spell that word, I never do it right). I was at the end of my group and I held the door open behind me and I guess the person thought I wouldn't and he kinda rushed forward and yanked it back and caused a great deal of noise. I jumped (naturally, you all know how jumpy I am) and spun around and he had this surprised look on his face. "Oh. Sorry...I thought..." "It's okay, I'm jumpy," and I rush away.
So here's what I'm wondering. Do you guys hold doors open for people at college? What about in the "real world"? Do people hold doors open for you? Do you think it makes any difference? On my way to class today, I held a door open for a potential future student and her mother and they seemed very surprised. The whole big, "Oh! Thank you!" thing and I just nodded and smiled a bit. Is it really that big of a deal to hold a door open for others?
No matter what college you're at, people hold doors open for others. Now, it's not always the official, "here let me get that door while I let a whole line of people walk in." No, I'm not saying that, but people do indeed push/pull doors open behind them or wait for people to go through...it's not just the selfish "get the door for myself and myself only" mentality I dealt with in high school. I think it has to do with the massive volume of people rushing in and out of buildings, but I can't be certain. It might just be a Midwest thing, since I've never been to a West coast college during their normal school year, but I'm inclined to think that's not so. I am fairly certain it's just a college thing though because people certainly don't do this outside of college towns. I get doors slamming shut in my face anytime I go back home or to an area that isn't centered around the college. People just aren't as aware of other people.
I think it's a really great little gesture that makes people a bit happier. It's really not a big deal, but isn't it nice when you go to open a door and it's not coming back at you with full force from the guy ahead of you who just barged his way through? And you think to yourself, oh, yay, that was more convenient. And you hold the door open as you walk in so the person behind you doesn't have to slam their way through either and the chain just continues! We'd be saving arm strength and helping rid the world of grumpy people at the same time! But people don't do that in the real world. I had someone almost slam into me when I was walking into a restaurant (side note: Japanese totally ruined my ability to spell that word, I never do it right). I was at the end of my group and I held the door open behind me and I guess the person thought I wouldn't and he kinda rushed forward and yanked it back and caused a great deal of noise. I jumped (naturally, you all know how jumpy I am) and spun around and he had this surprised look on his face. "Oh. Sorry...I thought..." "It's okay, I'm jumpy," and I rush away.
So here's what I'm wondering. Do you guys hold doors open for people at college? What about in the "real world"? Do people hold doors open for you? Do you think it makes any difference? On my way to class today, I held a door open for a potential future student and her mother and they seemed very surprised. The whole big, "Oh! Thank you!" thing and I just nodded and smiled a bit. Is it really that big of a deal to hold a door open for others?
10.08.2010
Accomplished
I can cross a couple things off my life-to-do list now. One is coordinate (and mostly make) a meal for a large group. The other is determine if I'll be able to handle a group of teenagers.
I succeeded at both. 24 servings of chicken and mixed veggies (with tons of chili and garlic powder and a bit of butter) and homemade mashed potatoes with cheese and globs of butter and garlic powder and pepper. I have an overflowing bowl of delicious leftovers in my fridge. Fruits of my labor.
See, I volunteer 7 hours a week at an afterschool program for all grade levels. It's kinda for a teaching class, but I'm going waaaay beyond the call of duty regarding hours here. It's not in the nicest area of Columbia, so we provide one decent meal for these kids. Usually there are at least 4 staff members there, but today there were only 3 of them. And the one who was supposed to cook didn't show up. We usually serve dinner at 5. At 4:50, we figured out this person wasn't coming in. So a staff member, Ms. M (we call everyone Ms. or Mr. at this place), and myself started cooking. But Ms. M doesn't like to cook and we couldn't find the meal sheet (which tells us what to cook) and on top of all that, she had to leave at 5:30. So we pull out potatoes and mixed veggies. I start scrubbing away at potatoes, she cooks veggies. Then we search for a protein. There's chicken. We fed them chicken already this week. There's pork. Who knows how to cook pork? Ground meat. They did that just yesterday. Chicken it is. We'll put some new spices on it. Perfect. Throw it in the oven and heat it up. It's pre-cooked, right?
No. Of course not. So while we're worrying about non-cooked chicken and cutting up the potatoes and getting the dang water to boil so we can cook them and somehow bring non shredable American cheese (not exactly sure why we felt we needed to shred the cheese) into the whole mix, Ms. M finds the original list. Shepherd's pie with carrots. Doesn't Shepherd's pie already have carrots in it? Do we have time to cook the stuff into pies? We're already going with this...thing. Shepherd's pie can be another time. Speaking of time, she's outie. And I'm in charge. It's just my second week. And I have a group of 5 teenagers throwing floppy cheese bits at each other in the middle of my kitchen.
So we get to work. One girl watches the veggies, one girl watches the chicken, the boys wash and chop potatoes and somehow will the water to boil and cook them and then drain and mash them. Did I mention I have a habit of taking over when people try to cook? It happens to me a lot. I don't mean to. But I end up just doing everything, even though I assign people to do stuff. So that veggies girl ends up setting out plates, the chicken girl ends up cutting chicken and pouring milk with one of the boys, a girl who is part of the program helps me with the mashing and mixing (and tossing cheese in?) of potatoes and before I know it, we're plating. And this time I give everyone a job and I let them stick to it.
And they all listened! Now, granted this was a group of volunteers so they're willing to help and take direction, but they hadn't been alerted that I was put in charge. And they've all been helping out longer than I have. And more often. But they respected my authority and it helped things go smoothly. And a lot of them complimented me on what I made and how I ran things after the fact. It was really awesome.
And even beyond that, more kids in the program are calling me by my name and the staff members are chatting with me, asking how my day went, and we're learning about each other and I'm helping kids learn what verbs are vs. nouns and it's all just really good stuff. I'm making a difference and that's something that was lacking in my former career path.
I succeeded at both. 24 servings of chicken and mixed veggies (with tons of chili and garlic powder and a bit of butter) and homemade mashed potatoes with cheese and globs of butter and garlic powder and pepper. I have an overflowing bowl of delicious leftovers in my fridge. Fruits of my labor.
See, I volunteer 7 hours a week at an afterschool program for all grade levels. It's kinda for a teaching class, but I'm going waaaay beyond the call of duty regarding hours here. It's not in the nicest area of Columbia, so we provide one decent meal for these kids. Usually there are at least 4 staff members there, but today there were only 3 of them. And the one who was supposed to cook didn't show up. We usually serve dinner at 5. At 4:50, we figured out this person wasn't coming in. So a staff member, Ms. M (we call everyone Ms. or Mr. at this place), and myself started cooking. But Ms. M doesn't like to cook and we couldn't find the meal sheet (which tells us what to cook) and on top of all that, she had to leave at 5:30. So we pull out potatoes and mixed veggies. I start scrubbing away at potatoes, she cooks veggies. Then we search for a protein. There's chicken. We fed them chicken already this week. There's pork. Who knows how to cook pork? Ground meat. They did that just yesterday. Chicken it is. We'll put some new spices on it. Perfect. Throw it in the oven and heat it up. It's pre-cooked, right?
No. Of course not. So while we're worrying about non-cooked chicken and cutting up the potatoes and getting the dang water to boil so we can cook them and somehow bring non shredable American cheese (not exactly sure why we felt we needed to shred the cheese) into the whole mix, Ms. M finds the original list. Shepherd's pie with carrots. Doesn't Shepherd's pie already have carrots in it? Do we have time to cook the stuff into pies? We're already going with this...thing. Shepherd's pie can be another time. Speaking of time, she's outie. And I'm in charge. It's just my second week. And I have a group of 5 teenagers throwing floppy cheese bits at each other in the middle of my kitchen.
So we get to work. One girl watches the veggies, one girl watches the chicken, the boys wash and chop potatoes and somehow will the water to boil and cook them and then drain and mash them. Did I mention I have a habit of taking over when people try to cook? It happens to me a lot. I don't mean to. But I end up just doing everything, even though I assign people to do stuff. So that veggies girl ends up setting out plates, the chicken girl ends up cutting chicken and pouring milk with one of the boys, a girl who is part of the program helps me with the mashing and mixing (and tossing cheese in?) of potatoes and before I know it, we're plating. And this time I give everyone a job and I let them stick to it.
And they all listened! Now, granted this was a group of volunteers so they're willing to help and take direction, but they hadn't been alerted that I was put in charge. And they've all been helping out longer than I have. And more often. But they respected my authority and it helped things go smoothly. And a lot of them complimented me on what I made and how I ran things after the fact. It was really awesome.
And even beyond that, more kids in the program are calling me by my name and the staff members are chatting with me, asking how my day went, and we're learning about each other and I'm helping kids learn what verbs are vs. nouns and it's all just really good stuff. I'm making a difference and that's something that was lacking in my former career path.
9.27.2010
Question 1: Testing
I've made it fairly well known that I have changed my career path from photojournalist to teacher. But let's just make that switch official, okay? No more photojournalist-y crap (okay, maybe sometimes). Let's start talking about education. In particular, testing. I just took my first test of the semester. It was for a journalism course and pretty much all short answer. I didn't study as much as I should have, especially with respects to a few sections of content, but I think I did fairly well. Yay me! One of the things that really helped me was having a test the teacher used two years ago to study from. Yeah. Fairly sure if I didn't have that, I would have failed. Basically. So that got me thinking.
I'm going to be a high school English teacher, right? And part of that will be testing my students. How far should I go to make sure they're prepared for the tests? Testing isn't just a reflection of the students' performance, it is a reflection of my performance. If I'm not teaching something properly, it will show in the tests and I will have to adjust my teaching style for that. Does offering a study guide help the students or does it just hurt them? Like I said, had I not had the test from a few years ago to guide my studying, I probably would have failed. The questions I got right were basically verbatim ones from her old tests. So should I offer old tests to students as study guides? Should I even have study guides?
The student in me panics thinking of taking a course without study guides, or poorly constructed study guides. I love study guides. I know what professors want me to focus on then. I know what they want from me and what I should take from this course. And isn't that the part of testing? To make sure students know what you need them to know? But the teacher part of me wonders how much students learn if you're guiding them with such a heavy hand. I took a statistics course my first semester in college and the professor made at least 4 years of tests available to us. And I diligently worked my way through all of them before each test as an alternative to conventional studying. It worked well. I got an A in that class without much effort outside of taking all those tests. But now? I'm not sure how helpful I'd be to someone struggling in that course. I don't remember much.
It's because I never had to think critically about the content of the course. So then my challenge as a teacher is to get my students to think critically but also simply regurgitate what I need them to do for the standardized tests. Can this be accomplished through short answer tests alone? I think not. So can I get them to regurgitate by taking tests and critically think by writing essays? Is it fair to break the course down like that? When I think back to my favorite English courses, I remember them being structured similarly. I remember learning the most this way. But that's just how I learn, not how everyone learns. If I structure my course in the way I learned best, how can I make sure that everyone learns well? Projects and group work and fun little time fillers only do so much to help the rest of the class learn. It's a difficult balance to find, but if I can identify all this after only a month in the teaching program, I think I'm off to a solid start. Besides, the school district will have so many restrictions on what and how I can teach, I doubt most of this will matter (jk...kinda...a little bit...tongue in cheek? yes).
I'm going to be a high school English teacher, right? And part of that will be testing my students. How far should I go to make sure they're prepared for the tests? Testing isn't just a reflection of the students' performance, it is a reflection of my performance. If I'm not teaching something properly, it will show in the tests and I will have to adjust my teaching style for that. Does offering a study guide help the students or does it just hurt them? Like I said, had I not had the test from a few years ago to guide my studying, I probably would have failed. The questions I got right were basically verbatim ones from her old tests. So should I offer old tests to students as study guides? Should I even have study guides?
The student in me panics thinking of taking a course without study guides, or poorly constructed study guides. I love study guides. I know what professors want me to focus on then. I know what they want from me and what I should take from this course. And isn't that the part of testing? To make sure students know what you need them to know? But the teacher part of me wonders how much students learn if you're guiding them with such a heavy hand. I took a statistics course my first semester in college and the professor made at least 4 years of tests available to us. And I diligently worked my way through all of them before each test as an alternative to conventional studying. It worked well. I got an A in that class without much effort outside of taking all those tests. But now? I'm not sure how helpful I'd be to someone struggling in that course. I don't remember much.
It's because I never had to think critically about the content of the course. So then my challenge as a teacher is to get my students to think critically but also simply regurgitate what I need them to do for the standardized tests. Can this be accomplished through short answer tests alone? I think not. So can I get them to regurgitate by taking tests and critically think by writing essays? Is it fair to break the course down like that? When I think back to my favorite English courses, I remember them being structured similarly. I remember learning the most this way. But that's just how I learn, not how everyone learns. If I structure my course in the way I learned best, how can I make sure that everyone learns well? Projects and group work and fun little time fillers only do so much to help the rest of the class learn. It's a difficult balance to find, but if I can identify all this after only a month in the teaching program, I think I'm off to a solid start. Besides, the school district will have so many restrictions on what and how I can teach, I doubt most of this will matter (jk...kinda...a little bit...tongue in cheek? yes).
9.24.2010
Death of an Era
So my laptop died. Majorly. I was being my nerdy self and watching the latest episode of The Guild on Tuesday morning and all of a sudden, boom, colors invert, laptop freezes. I know what you're thinking. Macs don't freeze! They get the spinning wheel of death and are fine after 30 seconds! How is this possible? I wasn't too bothered by it, except that I had just gotten to a very interesting part in the episode and now had to reload it. What a nuisance!
Except simply restarting the machine didn't work. I got a strange screen. Striped green and pink-ish background with a small overlay telling me to restart. So I tried resetting a couple of things. Same screen. Well, it's Windows partitioned, let's boot it up with that. I can get to the screen that allows me to choose which OS to boot the laptop into, but if I try to boot Windows it restarts. How funky. I think it might be an issue with that. I take it to Tiger Tech. They tell me it's a motherboard issue. Right. Because Macs totally have motherboards (hint: Apple is far too hipster to use the term motherboard, even if they basically function the same). So I take it to Geek Squad who charges me 70 bucks and says they've fixed it roughly 24 hours later. And they have. I go to class and take notes and check Facebook and everything is good. Until I play a YouTube video (okay, tell me exactly when did Far East Movement become popular? All of a sudden they're everywhere and I'm kinda missing the days when they weren't b/c I liked them more). Then it does the same thing - inverts colors, freezes, after a reset I see the same screen.
So I go to Best Buy again and they set me up to have the thing shipped off and we're almost done when I ask how long it will take. Two to three weeks. I stare at the guy helping me. He's kidding, right? He has to be. He explains it's usually not a matter of diagnosing the problem, but more the obtaining of parts. I grab my laptop, say thank you, and walk on out of there. Well, not exactly, but basically. The guy gave me the number and location of the closest Apple authorized repair shop and refunded my money, but I did grab my laptop right out of his hands and said okay, thank you, I can't do that.
So now the laptop is at this random out of the way repair shop. They finally tell me the proper term for what my laptop is doing - kernel panic. It's most likely an issue with the video part of the logic board, which is a known defect on my particular model so they'll fix it for free. That's what I find out after 2 minutes of being there. I spent 10 minutes at Tiger Tech to have an ignorant person talk to me and at least 30 minutes at Best Buy working with 3 different Geek Squad members and I just open my laptop, show the front desk lady the issue, she flips the laptop over and checks the specific type and tells me all I need to know. And I go back less than a day later (about 50 hours after the official crash now) to get a few files off the laptop and the 2nd in command comes over and explains everything they're doing to my laptop. And tells me I should have it back on Monday. Or Tuesday. But most likely Monday.
Now I'm just worried that even though they'll fix everything (for free!) and none of the data has been corrupted that my laptop won't be the same. I love this laptop, even though it's a pain in the ass most of the time. I really need a computer to communicate with people. Any assignments from this week have been half-assed because I don't have my laptop. I don't have everything I need to do my job correctly. I need to be able to go home and organize my thoughts and email certain people asking certain things and I just can't do that when I'm in a computer lab. But what if I can't do that the same way after this logic board replacement?
So this is the death of the blog. Until Tuesday. Hopefully. Most likely.
Except simply restarting the machine didn't work. I got a strange screen. Striped green and pink-ish background with a small overlay telling me to restart. So I tried resetting a couple of things. Same screen. Well, it's Windows partitioned, let's boot it up with that. I can get to the screen that allows me to choose which OS to boot the laptop into, but if I try to boot Windows it restarts. How funky. I think it might be an issue with that. I take it to Tiger Tech. They tell me it's a motherboard issue. Right. Because Macs totally have motherboards (hint: Apple is far too hipster to use the term motherboard, even if they basically function the same). So I take it to Geek Squad who charges me 70 bucks and says they've fixed it roughly 24 hours later. And they have. I go to class and take notes and check Facebook and everything is good. Until I play a YouTube video (okay, tell me exactly when did Far East Movement become popular? All of a sudden they're everywhere and I'm kinda missing the days when they weren't b/c I liked them more). Then it does the same thing - inverts colors, freezes, after a reset I see the same screen.
So I go to Best Buy again and they set me up to have the thing shipped off and we're almost done when I ask how long it will take. Two to three weeks. I stare at the guy helping me. He's kidding, right? He has to be. He explains it's usually not a matter of diagnosing the problem, but more the obtaining of parts. I grab my laptop, say thank you, and walk on out of there. Well, not exactly, but basically. The guy gave me the number and location of the closest Apple authorized repair shop and refunded my money, but I did grab my laptop right out of his hands and said okay, thank you, I can't do that.
So now the laptop is at this random out of the way repair shop. They finally tell me the proper term for what my laptop is doing - kernel panic. It's most likely an issue with the video part of the logic board, which is a known defect on my particular model so they'll fix it for free. That's what I find out after 2 minutes of being there. I spent 10 minutes at Tiger Tech to have an ignorant person talk to me and at least 30 minutes at Best Buy working with 3 different Geek Squad members and I just open my laptop, show the front desk lady the issue, she flips the laptop over and checks the specific type and tells me all I need to know. And I go back less than a day later (about 50 hours after the official crash now) to get a few files off the laptop and the 2nd in command comes over and explains everything they're doing to my laptop. And tells me I should have it back on Monday. Or Tuesday. But most likely Monday.
Now I'm just worried that even though they'll fix everything (for free!) and none of the data has been corrupted that my laptop won't be the same. I love this laptop, even though it's a pain in the ass most of the time. I really need a computer to communicate with people. Any assignments from this week have been half-assed because I don't have my laptop. I don't have everything I need to do my job correctly. I need to be able to go home and organize my thoughts and email certain people asking certain things and I just can't do that when I'm in a computer lab. But what if I can't do that the same way after this logic board replacement?
So this is the death of the blog. Until Tuesday. Hopefully. Most likely.
9.21.2010
ENTP
Do you remember when we had to do the personality typing in middle and high school? I must have had to take different tests in different classes at least 3 times. And then we'd take the tests that tell us which jobs we'd like that would match with our personalities? Yeah, those tedious things. On different days, in different years, I'd get different results. I would be introverted instead of extroverted. I would get judging instead of perceiving. But the intuition and thinking never changed.
I'm fairly certain what I've put in the title is my type. I'm extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. I walk an incredibly fine line between introversion and extroversion, and I'm sure as hell judgmental a lot of the time, but at my core, that is what I am. I think the extroversion has happened more recently. I'm returning to the outward display of my emotions. Which makes for some interesting interactions with people.
Like when I was talking to a few Geek Squad guys about my laptop (yeah, that's how messed up it is. I got to talk to more than one of them). I'd happily bounce from explaining the start-up sound to what I was doing when the laptop died to animatedly showing what it's doing now...I was very bubbly about it all. And when they gave me good news ("Well it's not the motherboard..."), I'd spin around and be all happy. And when they gave me bad news ("...mainly because Macs don't have motherboards. It's probably the drive board, which is kind of like the motherboard."), I'd nearly fall to the ground. The perceiving is a little bit more difficult for me to determine, and I'm not certain I'm not judging. I'm really judging, guys. I judge people a lot. But I also like to claim I'm perceptive. And I guess when it boils down to it, women are typically more perceiving and non-judgmental so that's my explanation for that.
I was surprised to find that a close friend is an ESFJ. We're almost exact opposites. It made me wonder if she as well was close to being the opposite on a few of those. I always thought she was more perceiving and maybe perhaps a bit on the more intuitive side. Definitely feeling. But it got me thinking, maybe people aren't as they seem. I'm not sure people would say I'm ENTP, though I myself know I am. It's the perceiving that would really throw them off. I guarantee it. Would you have guessed that I am an ENTP? Do you think people would guess what you are?
I'm fairly certain what I've put in the title is my type. I'm extroverted, intuitive, thinking, and perceiving. I walk an incredibly fine line between introversion and extroversion, and I'm sure as hell judgmental a lot of the time, but at my core, that is what I am. I think the extroversion has happened more recently. I'm returning to the outward display of my emotions. Which makes for some interesting interactions with people.
Like when I was talking to a few Geek Squad guys about my laptop (yeah, that's how messed up it is. I got to talk to more than one of them). I'd happily bounce from explaining the start-up sound to what I was doing when the laptop died to animatedly showing what it's doing now...I was very bubbly about it all. And when they gave me good news ("Well it's not the motherboard..."), I'd spin around and be all happy. And when they gave me bad news ("...mainly because Macs don't have motherboards. It's probably the drive board, which is kind of like the motherboard."), I'd nearly fall to the ground. The perceiving is a little bit more difficult for me to determine, and I'm not certain I'm not judging. I'm really judging, guys. I judge people a lot. But I also like to claim I'm perceptive. And I guess when it boils down to it, women are typically more perceiving and non-judgmental so that's my explanation for that.
I was surprised to find that a close friend is an ESFJ. We're almost exact opposites. It made me wonder if she as well was close to being the opposite on a few of those. I always thought she was more perceiving and maybe perhaps a bit on the more intuitive side. Definitely feeling. But it got me thinking, maybe people aren't as they seem. I'm not sure people would say I'm ENTP, though I myself know I am. It's the perceiving that would really throw them off. I guarantee it. Would you have guessed that I am an ENTP? Do you think people would guess what you are?
9.15.2010
Rawr!
It's not really all. It's a combination of my ex being a butthead, the just-a-friend still texting me, drama between two good friends who have a history together and getting placed in the friend zone with the crush. I am really frustrated and I say to hell with boys!
But really. That's all.
9.13.2010
Oh Hello There
I dunno about y'all, but I just stare at the butts in this commercial. They're all so perfect and round. I wonder how they cast that. "No, we don't need to see your face, just turn around and...yeah...no, no that's not quite what we're looking for. Nice legs though. Thanks. Next!" But that got me thinking! No matter the gender, I notice people's hair and eyes. I really like hair and eyes. They're so cool.
I love looking at wavy hair, probably because I don't have it myself. I like how it moves. It seems so much more fun than straight hair. I think brown hair that gets red in the sunlight is the coolest thing ever. So if it's wavy and that amazing auburn? Holy crap, watch out, I will stare at you. But that's not to say I don't like straight hair, because I do. I like how sleek and shiny it can be. It just looks so wonderfully soft. I look at guy's short peach fuzz hair and wonder how it feels. Each peach fuzz head feels a little different, I think. I don't like the weird two-tone trend. Where you have dark on top and light under. It looks stupid. And streaky highlights are bad as well. Don't do the in-between - either keep your hair color (looking) natural, or dye it all hot pink, you know? Dreads are cool and choppy haircuts make me want to run over and mess it all up and watch you restyle it.
I'm weird. I acknowledge this.
And eyes! Good god, eyes are amazing. It's kind of funny that you have to see eyes by using eyes. I have pretty eyes. My dad and my brother have bluer eyes than I do, but my eyes do something rather cool. They're more grey than anything else, but when I wear something blue/teal, watch out! BAM! They're super blue. Green eyes are so mysterious. I feel like they look deeper into your eyes than any other color. I'm not sure why. I feel so on edge if someone around me has green eyes. Hazel eyes are like blue eyes in that they come in so many varieties and depending on the color you wear they look different. My mom's are a green-brown, my friend's are a green-blue, and I remember meeting someone with green-gold. Brown eyes are kinda iffy for me. I really like bright brown eyes, if that makes sense. But I think a lot of brown eyes are boring.
So I dunno. There's that. What are some things you notice right away about others?
I love looking at wavy hair, probably because I don't have it myself. I like how it moves. It seems so much more fun than straight hair. I think brown hair that gets red in the sunlight is the coolest thing ever. So if it's wavy and that amazing auburn? Holy crap, watch out, I will stare at you. But that's not to say I don't like straight hair, because I do. I like how sleek and shiny it can be. It just looks so wonderfully soft. I look at guy's short peach fuzz hair and wonder how it feels. Each peach fuzz head feels a little different, I think. I don't like the weird two-tone trend. Where you have dark on top and light under. It looks stupid. And streaky highlights are bad as well. Don't do the in-between - either keep your hair color (looking) natural, or dye it all hot pink, you know? Dreads are cool and choppy haircuts make me want to run over and mess it all up and watch you restyle it.
I'm weird. I acknowledge this.
And eyes! Good god, eyes are amazing. It's kind of funny that you have to see eyes by using eyes. I have pretty eyes. My dad and my brother have bluer eyes than I do, but my eyes do something rather cool. They're more grey than anything else, but when I wear something blue/teal, watch out! BAM! They're super blue. Green eyes are so mysterious. I feel like they look deeper into your eyes than any other color. I'm not sure why. I feel so on edge if someone around me has green eyes. Hazel eyes are like blue eyes in that they come in so many varieties and depending on the color you wear they look different. My mom's are a green-brown, my friend's are a green-blue, and I remember meeting someone with green-gold. Brown eyes are kinda iffy for me. I really like bright brown eyes, if that makes sense. But I think a lot of brown eyes are boring.
So I dunno. There's that. What are some things you notice right away about others?
9.09.2010
静かに！
So today in class a professor made a negative comment that I'm sure was directed at me. And it hurt. Because I really do try in the class, I'm just not the best student in the class and when I speak up, I come across as super nervous and slightly incompetent. I did the work more completely than all but one other person in the class. It made me really angry because I see my classmates who can get by with so little effort when I put hours of work into the same thing. The professor can't see that though.
But then I wonder if maybe I should really be mad at myself. I'm the one holding me back, right?
But that got me thinking...doesn't the professor have a responsibility as an educator to take notice that I'm not performing up to expectations and contact me directly about it? Maybe offer ways I can improve? Not compare me to Tarzan. Yeah, thanks, that felt awesome. In my education courses, we've been talking about the responsibility of a teacher to his or her students and recognizing that not everyone learns the same and teaching all different kinds of methods is part of that responsibility. And this professor isn't meeting that. Now, I know we're in college and it's an upper level course so there is some expectation that these things will be accomplished individually. And that's fine. But there are more effective ways of saying, "Hey, you need to work a little more at this," than making a joke.
It's just...I dunno, it's gotten to the point where I'm ready to quit the class. I don't have to take this class, and if it's really going to take me 6+ hours a week to do the work...I just don't have that kind of time. Plus add on another 2 since I need to work even still harder at this to live up to my professor's expectations. And though I absolutely love my classmates, if this professor keeps it up I'm really going to snap.
My friend and I were talking earlier about maybe dropping the class in question since it's so much work and not in either of our majors. I think I was less serious than my friend was. I'm considering it a lot more now. Apparently I have until the 27th to decide. I'd try and enroll in an online English course which would help with the education major. It'd be a pretty general class - Brit Lit or something - so I could take it almost anywhere, since I think Mizzou isn't allowing you to enroll anymore. Eh. It's just an idea. The more I think about it though, the more dropping the class makes sense.
But then I wonder if maybe I should really be mad at myself. I'm the one holding me back, right?
But that got me thinking...doesn't the professor have a responsibility as an educator to take notice that I'm not performing up to expectations and contact me directly about it? Maybe offer ways I can improve? Not compare me to Tarzan. Yeah, thanks, that felt awesome. In my education courses, we've been talking about the responsibility of a teacher to his or her students and recognizing that not everyone learns the same and teaching all different kinds of methods is part of that responsibility. And this professor isn't meeting that. Now, I know we're in college and it's an upper level course so there is some expectation that these things will be accomplished individually. And that's fine. But there are more effective ways of saying, "Hey, you need to work a little more at this," than making a joke.
It's just...I dunno, it's gotten to the point where I'm ready to quit the class. I don't have to take this class, and if it's really going to take me 6+ hours a week to do the work...I just don't have that kind of time. Plus add on another 2 since I need to work even still harder at this to live up to my professor's expectations. And though I absolutely love my classmates, if this professor keeps it up I'm really going to snap.
My friend and I were talking earlier about maybe dropping the class in question since it's so much work and not in either of our majors. I think I was less serious than my friend was. I'm considering it a lot more now. Apparently I have until the 27th to decide. I'd try and enroll in an online English course which would help with the education major. It'd be a pretty general class - Brit Lit or something - so I could take it almost anywhere, since I think Mizzou isn't allowing you to enroll anymore. Eh. It's just an idea. The more I think about it though, the more dropping the class makes sense.
9.08.2010
Ice Skating
I have tried and tried to write this post, but it's just never happened. It'll sit with the drafts of posts and watch as the ones around it get picked for posting and wonder why it isn't good enough.
But that's how I feel about ice skating. It's not good enough. I wasn't good enough. I like to breeze over the fact that I ice skated because I've changed so much since then. Because I always feel like it's the one time I really let something go I was passionate about. Because I was only 9 years old when I quit.
But none of that really makes sense does it? I can't just write about it in choppy sentences and vague explanations. So I'm taking a leaf out of J's book and doing a video blog. And hopefully I will verbally explain things better than I could write them.
I'm never doing a video blog again. That took way to damn much effort.
But that's how I feel about ice skating. It's not good enough. I wasn't good enough. I like to breeze over the fact that I ice skated because I've changed so much since then. Because I always feel like it's the one time I really let something go I was passionate about. Because I was only 9 years old when I quit.
But none of that really makes sense does it? I can't just write about it in choppy sentences and vague explanations. So I'm taking a leaf out of J's book and doing a video blog. And hopefully I will verbally explain things better than I could write them.
I'm never doing a video blog again. That took way to damn much effort.
9.04.2010
Friends-ish?
I was talking to my family about some of the new friends I've made recently. And that got me thinking, how can I really call someone I only met a few weeks, maybe a month, ago my friend? We're friends-ish? But then what about the friends who are close but just not quite close enough to be called good friends? Friends-ish again?
I don't mean to brag (okay, I kinda do), but I'm a really solid friend. I'm not the best friend in the world, but I've got it down. If you need me, I'm there. Want to talk to someone in the middle of the night? Call me up. Need a ride? I have a car. Just want to hang? Sure, I'm free. If you want advice, I can offer it. If you just want a sympathetic ear, well, I've learned how to give that too. But it wasn't always that way.
I used to be pretty unsympathetic. I think it reflects how I expect my friends to act. When I rant to someone, I don't expect them to be all, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that really sucks for you." I expect them to relate to me. I expect them to rant back and then tell me to suck it up and get over whatever petty thing is bothering me. Then I had some pretty bad things happen to me where I just needed sympathy. And I got why people wanted me to be sympathetic.
Still, it bothers me when people won't take action to better themselves. I stand to lose two good friends because of my stance (okay, so we'll still be friends, but we just won't be very close). They both rant to me about what's wrong with their respective lives and I'm sympathetic at first. They want it to change, so I offer suggestions on how to make it change. Then I get criticized for being judgmental. They don't want to take action; they want things to just happen for them. I can't stand this! I can't be sympathetic to people who won't help themselves. I just can't. If you aren't trying to better your situation, I see absolutely no reason to help you.
So they aren't talking to me right now, and it's a little troublesome to me. I want to keep these people as my friends, but I feel like they're being immature. I'm torn between being a good friend and waiting around for them to get over it, or being mean (while also possibly being a better friend) and pushing them further.
All this got me thinking about what I want from my friends. I want them to be there for me when shit hits the fan. I want my friends to invite me to hang out or study together. I want a phone call or email or text when something reminds you of me or to remind me of some inside joke. I don't demand constant contact, but monthly would be nice. I guess what it boils down to is time. I want your time. I want you to take the time to say, hey, I'm thinking of you or hey, I need your help. Clicking the like button on Facebook has too easily become a replacement for the occasional after school email.
I'm guilty of this too, but no more. I pledge to give my friends my time. And if you can't give that in return...well, I'm guess I'm not as close to as many people as I thought. But I think I'm okay with that. I don't want a ton of fluff friends cluttering my inner circle of friends, you know? Get rid of all the friends-ish. Quality over quantity. Ugh, it almost disgusts me to talk about friendships like that. I'm just going to stop before I piss someone off so much that they don't want to be my friend anymore. XD
I don't mean to brag (okay, I kinda do), but I'm a really solid friend. I'm not the best friend in the world, but I've got it down. If you need me, I'm there. Want to talk to someone in the middle of the night? Call me up. Need a ride? I have a car. Just want to hang? Sure, I'm free. If you want advice, I can offer it. If you just want a sympathetic ear, well, I've learned how to give that too. But it wasn't always that way.
I used to be pretty unsympathetic. I think it reflects how I expect my friends to act. When I rant to someone, I don't expect them to be all, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that really sucks for you." I expect them to relate to me. I expect them to rant back and then tell me to suck it up and get over whatever petty thing is bothering me. Then I had some pretty bad things happen to me where I just needed sympathy. And I got why people wanted me to be sympathetic.
Still, it bothers me when people won't take action to better themselves. I stand to lose two good friends because of my stance (okay, so we'll still be friends, but we just won't be very close). They both rant to me about what's wrong with their respective lives and I'm sympathetic at first. They want it to change, so I offer suggestions on how to make it change. Then I get criticized for being judgmental. They don't want to take action; they want things to just happen for them. I can't stand this! I can't be sympathetic to people who won't help themselves. I just can't. If you aren't trying to better your situation, I see absolutely no reason to help you.
So they aren't talking to me right now, and it's a little troublesome to me. I want to keep these people as my friends, but I feel like they're being immature. I'm torn between being a good friend and waiting around for them to get over it, or being mean (while also possibly being a better friend) and pushing them further.
All this got me thinking about what I want from my friends. I want them to be there for me when shit hits the fan. I want my friends to invite me to hang out or study together. I want a phone call or email or text when something reminds you of me or to remind me of some inside joke. I don't demand constant contact, but monthly would be nice. I guess what it boils down to is time. I want your time. I want you to take the time to say, hey, I'm thinking of you or hey, I need your help. Clicking the like button on Facebook has too easily become a replacement for the occasional after school email.
I'm guilty of this too, but no more. I pledge to give my friends my time. And if you can't give that in return...well, I'm guess I'm not as close to as many people as I thought. But I think I'm okay with that. I don't want a ton of fluff friends cluttering my inner circle of friends, you know? Get rid of all the friends-ish. Quality over quantity. Ugh, it almost disgusts me to talk about friendships like that. I'm just going to stop before I piss someone off so much that they don't want to be my friend anymore. XD
9.01.2010
My 2nd Night Without Shoes
I have a bad habit of just not wearing shoes when it matters, I guess. Hopefully some of you remember my first night without shoes. This night was not quite as epic and no where near as lengthy, but still one of my favorite "How the hell did I wind up in this situation?" college stories.
My old roommate has a birthday at the end January. She threw a party one weekend. I was sober driver for one of my friends who wanted to go to a different party first. I was just dropping her off, so I didn't wear shoes when I ran the 20 feet from my apartment to my car. But then she invites me to the party. And insists on me going in. So I do. People ask me why I'm not wearing shoes and I answer that since it's a luau themed party, shoes didn't seem necessary. How convenient, huh? They buy this story and I am able to mingle and join a group.
Then the group decides to break out a hookah and smoke some apple flavored tobacco. We go outside. Keep in mind, it's January. In the Midwest. At night. It's below freezing out and there's snow on the ground from the last fall a couple of days ago. And I. Don't. Have. Shoes. Once people stop trying to get me to try some of the hookah, they offer me drinks to warm me up. A sip of a mixed drink here, a wine cooler there...before I knew it, I had a mild buzz. For the first time. Outside in late January without shoes. Awesome.
By the time I decide to go back to my house, the buzz has worn off. But not for long. See, back at the apartment the party has picked up and once people hear about how I froze my feet off, they want to warm me up. With a Smirnoff Ice. And card games. And bad sing alongs. And piling 5 people onto a 3 person couch. XD
So! Lessons learned from this. Always wear your shoes when you leave the house. No matter what. If you're cold, alcohol really does help. Hookah just doesn't taste that great. And if you are in need of alcohol, go with sympathy. Works like a charm.
My old roommate has a birthday at the end January. She threw a party one weekend. I was sober driver for one of my friends who wanted to go to a different party first. I was just dropping her off, so I didn't wear shoes when I ran the 20 feet from my apartment to my car. But then she invites me to the party. And insists on me going in. So I do. People ask me why I'm not wearing shoes and I answer that since it's a luau themed party, shoes didn't seem necessary. How convenient, huh? They buy this story and I am able to mingle and join a group.
Then the group decides to break out a hookah and smoke some apple flavored tobacco. We go outside. Keep in mind, it's January. In the Midwest. At night. It's below freezing out and there's snow on the ground from the last fall a couple of days ago. And I. Don't. Have. Shoes. Once people stop trying to get me to try some of the hookah, they offer me drinks to warm me up. A sip of a mixed drink here, a wine cooler there...before I knew it, I had a mild buzz. For the first time. Outside in late January without shoes. Awesome.
By the time I decide to go back to my house, the buzz has worn off. But not for long. See, back at the apartment the party has picked up and once people hear about how I froze my feet off, they want to warm me up. With a Smirnoff Ice. And card games. And bad sing alongs. And piling 5 people onto a 3 person couch. XD
So! Lessons learned from this. Always wear your shoes when you leave the house. No matter what. If you're cold, alcohol really does help. Hookah just doesn't taste that great. And if you are in need of alcohol, go with sympathy. Works like a charm.
8.31.2010
Tone and Expression
I don't mind texting and IM and email and Facebook and all that stuff, but boy do I like talking to people face-to-face a lot better. You know that whole 70% of communication is non-verbal thing? I really get it.
About a month ago, a friend was telling me about her co-workers and I picked up that she might like one more than the others. It was something in the way she spoke about the co-worker. It seemed softer compared to how she spoke of the others. Her like for this co-worker was later confirmed. She decided she better not ever try and lie to me b/c I'd figure it out. We tested it. She picked 2 memories from her childhood and made up another and I picked the correct false memory. All three were very common memories - the false one was about a time she fell off her bike. Her voice got tighter when telling this. Her words more neatly formed.
It happens with my best friend too. We video chatted a few weeks ago and I could read her face. Yeah followed by an ellipsis just isn't the same as being able to see how the corners of the mouth turn down and the big sigh that accompanies the breathy yeah. A =/ isn't the same as seeing the look of slight pity and concern that creates wrinkles around the eyes and brow. It happened with my new roommate when I first met her. I mentioned that I have a rabbit and her entire face lit up. Eyes crinkled at the edges. I only asked permission to keep him in the apartment (in my room, in his cage nearly 24/7 b/c he hates the world) as a courtesy after that.
I like noticing these things. It's like hunting for clues and when you find them, you learn more about the person in question. And they will drop the same clues and you can recognize that and anticipate it in the future. Little secrets only you know. That little smirk, the head tilts, the fluctuations in the laugh. You notice how they talk to different people in different tones and how their mood will reflect in their interactions with the same people.
Something about me? When my heart beats faster, regardless of the reason, my eyes dart around a lot. It doesn't matter if it's just because I've exercised or nervous or what. I feel like I have to be more alert. I've tested myself to try and just keep my eyes focused on one thing. Can't. Doesn't work. And maybe this is a pretty common thing, but I don't think so. I asked my best friend what are some mannerisms that are uniquely me. She says it's sometimes hard to tell my emotions because I'm not an extremely expressive person. I say "okay" very monotone and instead of shrugging I will tilt my head to the side and back again while pulling my mouth in the same direction. I think I also shrug when I do that, but it's more subtle than other people.
I think I have a blind spot though. It's with people I am romantically interested in. I must, right? I never know what their body language means. I always second guess. I always assume I'm wrong. It's not just a gender thing, though I do admit I have more difficulty reading male friends than female friends. But say I'm hanging out with a guy friend. We aren't interested in each other. I can read his body language. He doesn't have to tell me how nervous he is about going to a new school or just how much he is looking forward to finally having weekends free to visit friends. I can read it on his face, in the way he sits in his chair. But I around the guy I am interested in? And I can't figure a damn thing out. It wasn't for lack of expressions - he's far more expressive than the one I'm just friends with. It was the fear of reading too much into his tone and expression. I don't want to screw things up by over-thinking, over-observing. I don't think it's working.
About a month ago, a friend was telling me about her co-workers and I picked up that she might like one more than the others. It was something in the way she spoke about the co-worker. It seemed softer compared to how she spoke of the others. Her like for this co-worker was later confirmed. She decided she better not ever try and lie to me b/c I'd figure it out. We tested it. She picked 2 memories from her childhood and made up another and I picked the correct false memory. All three were very common memories - the false one was about a time she fell off her bike. Her voice got tighter when telling this. Her words more neatly formed.
It happens with my best friend too. We video chatted a few weeks ago and I could read her face. Yeah followed by an ellipsis just isn't the same as being able to see how the corners of the mouth turn down and the big sigh that accompanies the breathy yeah. A =/ isn't the same as seeing the look of slight pity and concern that creates wrinkles around the eyes and brow. It happened with my new roommate when I first met her. I mentioned that I have a rabbit and her entire face lit up. Eyes crinkled at the edges. I only asked permission to keep him in the apartment (in my room, in his cage nearly 24/7 b/c he hates the world) as a courtesy after that.
I like noticing these things. It's like hunting for clues and when you find them, you learn more about the person in question. And they will drop the same clues and you can recognize that and anticipate it in the future. Little secrets only you know. That little smirk, the head tilts, the fluctuations in the laugh. You notice how they talk to different people in different tones and how their mood will reflect in their interactions with the same people.
Something about me? When my heart beats faster, regardless of the reason, my eyes dart around a lot. It doesn't matter if it's just because I've exercised or nervous or what. I feel like I have to be more alert. I've tested myself to try and just keep my eyes focused on one thing. Can't. Doesn't work. And maybe this is a pretty common thing, but I don't think so. I asked my best friend what are some mannerisms that are uniquely me. She says it's sometimes hard to tell my emotions because I'm not an extremely expressive person. I say "okay" very monotone and instead of shrugging I will tilt my head to the side and back again while pulling my mouth in the same direction. I think I also shrug when I do that, but it's more subtle than other people.
I think I have a blind spot though. It's with people I am romantically interested in. I must, right? I never know what their body language means. I always second guess. I always assume I'm wrong. It's not just a gender thing, though I do admit I have more difficulty reading male friends than female friends. But say I'm hanging out with a guy friend. We aren't interested in each other. I can read his body language. He doesn't have to tell me how nervous he is about going to a new school or just how much he is looking forward to finally having weekends free to visit friends. I can read it on his face, in the way he sits in his chair. But I around the guy I am interested in? And I can't figure a damn thing out. It wasn't for lack of expressions - he's far more expressive than the one I'm just friends with. It was the fear of reading too much into his tone and expression. I don't want to screw things up by over-thinking, over-observing. I don't think it's working.
8.30.2010
Proper Posture
I stand funny. I do. Look at how I stand sometime. It's awesome.
It starts with the feet. My right foot points forward, my left foot points to the left. It's the standard ice skating starting and ending position, called a T-stop because you form a T. I've had people ask if I'm a dancer based on that alone. It's habit. I can't stop it.
The way my feet are make it easy to stick the right hip out. My hand will often rest somewhere between my waist and the top of my hip on the right side. I look like a girl with attitude. I'm not trying to be. It's the way the feet are, I swear. Try standing up straight with the feet that way. Then stick the hip out. Much better, huh? That left leg gets some slack and even more attitude is added to the whole pose.
Then we get to the upper body. I lean to the left. I do. It's natural. In quarter midgets, the Gs would push us (in particular our necks) to the outside, to the right. To counteract this we'd kind of slouch and lean to the left, so our heads would be sticking out the side instead of looking out the front. I sit this way in my car too. It's terrible. Once I settle in for a long drive, I'm practically facing away from the passenger seat, slouched down so I can see maybe 3/4ths of what I could before, head flopped over to the left. Guests ask if I'm tired. I'm not tired. Tired position is when I'm leaning over the steering wheel. Relaxed, comfortable, in control position is racing position. It just transfers into my normal stance too.
My head makes me look confused, I think. Tilted to the left. I'm sure people just think it means I'm listening, but I feel like it's super awkward. I usually don't have a smile on my face, but lately I've found it difficult to keep from allowing at least a smirk to cross.
All this adds up to me preferring people be on my left. Which is fine because I find a lot of people prefer to have me on their right. But it just makes me wonder what you can tell about a person by the way they stand. I'm sure there are sites out there that say if someone stands with their shoulders even it means they are self-assured or if their hands are at their sides instead of crossed or in their pockets it means they are open, but I mean the real stance. The ice skating and racing influenced one. The ashamed of your height slouch. The shy and unsure shoulder hunch. The one that tells a story about you.
It starts with the feet. My right foot points forward, my left foot points to the left. It's the standard ice skating starting and ending position, called a T-stop because you form a T. I've had people ask if I'm a dancer based on that alone. It's habit. I can't stop it.
The way my feet are make it easy to stick the right hip out. My hand will often rest somewhere between my waist and the top of my hip on the right side. I look like a girl with attitude. I'm not trying to be. It's the way the feet are, I swear. Try standing up straight with the feet that way. Then stick the hip out. Much better, huh? That left leg gets some slack and even more attitude is added to the whole pose.
Then we get to the upper body. I lean to the left. I do. It's natural. In quarter midgets, the Gs would push us (in particular our necks) to the outside, to the right. To counteract this we'd kind of slouch and lean to the left, so our heads would be sticking out the side instead of looking out the front. I sit this way in my car too. It's terrible. Once I settle in for a long drive, I'm practically facing away from the passenger seat, slouched down so I can see maybe 3/4ths of what I could before, head flopped over to the left. Guests ask if I'm tired. I'm not tired. Tired position is when I'm leaning over the steering wheel. Relaxed, comfortable, in control position is racing position. It just transfers into my normal stance too.
My head makes me look confused, I think. Tilted to the left. I'm sure people just think it means I'm listening, but I feel like it's super awkward. I usually don't have a smile on my face, but lately I've found it difficult to keep from allowing at least a smirk to cross.
All this adds up to me preferring people be on my left. Which is fine because I find a lot of people prefer to have me on their right. But it just makes me wonder what you can tell about a person by the way they stand. I'm sure there are sites out there that say if someone stands with their shoulders even it means they are self-assured or if their hands are at their sides instead of crossed or in their pockets it means they are open, but I mean the real stance. The ice skating and racing influenced one. The ashamed of your height slouch. The shy and unsure shoulder hunch. The one that tells a story about you.
8.28.2010
New Music
I listen to the radio a lot when I travel from my home to college. I usually listen to hit or classic rock stations. But through Terre Haute there's this amazing college run station. And they have provided me with my new music for the month. I find a new band every month, basically. But I rarely add the band to my collection. This one I am. And I have to share them.
Reasons are two fold. First is they're legitimately good. They've been a band for a while and they're used to working together. They have a consistent sound and catchy lyrics. God are the lyrics catchy. If you don't start humming along after the second time you listen to a song, you have no taste in music. Second is they're Canadian. That's just the ultimate cherry on top for me, huh? XD It's actually a bit inconvenient b/c while they're doing shows all over B.C. and Ontario there is very little chance of them coming to the US. Though I still have hope, since their album is being released in the US in about a month.
So there you go. Marianas Trench. When I decide how to pronounce that I'll let you know. In the meantime enjoy the happy-emo-for-the-non-emos headbopping music. And if you liked that song, listen to Acadia and All to Myself next. And then just try and tell me you don't like them.
Reasons are two fold. First is they're legitimately good. They've been a band for a while and they're used to working together. They have a consistent sound and catchy lyrics. God are the lyrics catchy. If you don't start humming along after the second time you listen to a song, you have no taste in music. Second is they're Canadian. That's just the ultimate cherry on top for me, huh? XD It's actually a bit inconvenient b/c while they're doing shows all over B.C. and Ontario there is very little chance of them coming to the US. Though I still have hope, since their album is being released in the US in about a month.
So there you go. Marianas Trench. When I decide how to pronounce that I'll let you know. In the meantime enjoy the happy-emo-for-the-non-emos headbopping music. And if you liked that song, listen to Acadia and All to Myself next. And then just try and tell me you don't like them.
8.27.2010
Real Women
There's really not much I could ever think to add to this. It's absolutely beautiful. I want to be able to write like that. Especially that end. Wow, does that end rock, or what? There's a part of me that complains that I already can write like that, and I think I understand that, but I certainly don't most of the time. This entire blog being a testament to that statement.
My mom's best friend jokes that I can't call myself a woman until I go to a spa and get a mud bath and massage. While I am warming up to the idea of a professional massage, I still do not want to submerge myself in glorified exfoliant and let it settle in all kinds of places. No thank you. What happens at the beach is bad enough. But her comments did get me thinking...when do I consider myself a woman.
I don't know about your moms, but mine made a huge fit when I started wearing a bra. And then a few years later when I hit another "womanly milestone." And when I had my first kiss and so on and so forth. But, in my eyes, none of that made me any closer to being a woman. I always felt adulthood was more important, more tangible. Now that I'm legally an adult, I think adulthood hasn't come yet. Using that way of thinking, maybe I've been a woman since birth. Which, legally speaking is true. So then how do you feel it?
I'm sure guys go through the same thing here. How do they know when to call themselves a man? Is it when they start shaving? Is it once they lose their v-card? How do you know? It's a personal identity issue, of sorts, I think. I'm sure two generations ago, anyone past the age of 18 would say they were a wo/man. And maybe a few generations before that, even as young as 15. But that does not necessarily mean that this way of thinking works for this day and age. Is this man or woman status dependent on independence from our parents? Is it inherently tied to what we consider adulthood?
I'm genuine and I'm female. But there is more to being a real woman than those two things. I think a big part of it is confidence and self-awareness. There's also the whole "comfortable in your own skin" factor, which comes and goes for a lot of women and I think it's a requirement for a real woman. What are some of these factors to you?
My mom's best friend jokes that I can't call myself a woman until I go to a spa and get a mud bath and massage. While I am warming up to the idea of a professional massage, I still do not want to submerge myself in glorified exfoliant and let it settle in all kinds of places. No thank you. What happens at the beach is bad enough. But her comments did get me thinking...when do I consider myself a woman.
I don't know about your moms, but mine made a huge fit when I started wearing a bra. And then a few years later when I hit another "womanly milestone." And when I had my first kiss and so on and so forth. But, in my eyes, none of that made me any closer to being a woman. I always felt adulthood was more important, more tangible. Now that I'm legally an adult, I think adulthood hasn't come yet. Using that way of thinking, maybe I've been a woman since birth. Which, legally speaking is true. So then how do you feel it?
I'm sure guys go through the same thing here. How do they know when to call themselves a man? Is it when they start shaving? Is it once they lose their v-card? How do you know? It's a personal identity issue, of sorts, I think. I'm sure two generations ago, anyone past the age of 18 would say they were a wo/man. And maybe a few generations before that, even as young as 15. But that does not necessarily mean that this way of thinking works for this day and age. Is this man or woman status dependent on independence from our parents? Is it inherently tied to what we consider adulthood?
I'm genuine and I'm female. But there is more to being a real woman than those two things. I think a big part of it is confidence and self-awareness. There's also the whole "comfortable in your own skin" factor, which comes and goes for a lot of women and I think it's a requirement for a real woman. What are some of these factors to you?
8.25.2010
Tongue-Tied
I used to have decent enunciation. In debate you work hard on that. Making sure that at least the words are understood is kinda important when you're talking about foreign policy to a bunch of parents who mostly don't care. Sometimes they were foreign themselves which just added a layer of complexity you had to figure out. The threat of hegemony didn't mean a thing to them.
But recently I've found myself slipping terribly. I was talking to someone about my family's first gen 360 finally red ringing and I kept saying red wing. The Red Wings are an amazing hockey team. Or something far less G-rated. But it is rather ridiculous to keep saying "the red winged xbox." I just picture a black Xbox sprouting big red wings and flapping when you turn it on. No more happy start up sound, it's a screeching bird instead. I did it just the other night when I was bonding with my roommate. I could not say Credence Clearwater Revival to save my life. Cweedence Queerwater. Swear to god that's what I said. What am I, five? Did I just forget how to pronounce consonants in repetition?
I don't normally get tongue-tied. I mumble, sure, but that's how I talk, kinda softly but quickly. I feel like more and more often I'm having to really think about what I want to say before I say it. And it's really super annoying. I'm happy to share my thoughts and opinions, and I know I'm capable of being articulate, but if I can't do that efficiently I look like a fool. It's really annoying too because it seems to happen most often around people I feel the need to impress or make a favorable impression on. Also around guys I like, but I think a lot of people feel that way (C, I am totally looking at you).
But really, this stumbling issue is getting to the point that I think I need to do speaking exercises. Speech kiddos know anything I could do to help eliminate this?
But recently I've found myself slipping terribly. I was talking to someone about my family's first gen 360 finally red ringing and I kept saying red wing. The Red Wings are an amazing hockey team. Or something far less G-rated. But it is rather ridiculous to keep saying "the red winged xbox." I just picture a black Xbox sprouting big red wings and flapping when you turn it on. No more happy start up sound, it's a screeching bird instead. I did it just the other night when I was bonding with my roommate. I could not say Credence Clearwater Revival to save my life. Cweedence Queerwater. Swear to god that's what I said. What am I, five? Did I just forget how to pronounce consonants in repetition?
I don't normally get tongue-tied. I mumble, sure, but that's how I talk, kinda softly but quickly. I feel like more and more often I'm having to really think about what I want to say before I say it. And it's really super annoying. I'm happy to share my thoughts and opinions, and I know I'm capable of being articulate, but if I can't do that efficiently I look like a fool. It's really annoying too because it seems to happen most often around people I feel the need to impress or make a favorable impression on. Also around guys I like, but I think a lot of people feel that way (C, I am totally looking at you).
But really, this stumbling issue is getting to the point that I think I need to do speaking exercises. Speech kiddos know anything I could do to help eliminate this?
8.21.2010
These are the days
I woke up at 8:30am yesterday to go out to our last family meal before both kids are in college. I went to sleep today at 6:30am. My mom woke me up at 7:30am to say good-bye until I come back for a visit. My phone woke me up multiple times around 8am. My dad woke me up at 10:00am to tell me he was heading back to the shop. It is now 11am. I leave for college at noon.
These last few days of summer are the ones I live for. I feel fantastic. I'm probably going to stay up until 2am, hanging out with friends. I am bringing fireworks to shoot off as one last hurrah before school starts.
I suppose I should explain why I haven't slept much. My brother didn't have a good night of racing yesterday. Someone hit him going almost full speed when my brother was totally and completely stopped. Bent the frame, broke our fuel tank. You can't race with a bent frame. Or that broken fuel tank. No. Kinda need one of those. So that means you tear the broken car down and move all the parts to a new frame. It's like those Ford truck commercials where they start with the metal outline of the truck and then add all the parts and the bolts and body? Do all that for a sprint car. The last time it happened, they (being my dad and our crew chief) were out until 7am and went back at 9am. Oh bother.
This time I helped out. I mean, my brother races to keep his points lead today and tomorrow goes to move his stuff in at college and then starts college the day after that. I've been at this for a few years. I know the drill. These days where I don't get much sleep because I have better things to be doing? They're the days I live for. But my brother? He's going to have a lot coming at him in a short period of time. He needs to sleep because his better things are still to come this weekend.
I look at my dad and, even at our crew chief, and I realize I can't keep living like this forever. I see how it affects them. My dad is about ready to collapse. The crew chief, less than 10 years older than I, needs constant caffeine to continue working on the car. But me? Eh, I feel fine. I've saved up a stash of sleep over the summer, it's okay. I don't suffer the way they do.
Maybe that's why I feel obligated to do these sort of things. Maybe that's why I feel like I have to go on all these adventures. I'm in college! My last hurrah before the real world. J and I have a love for the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire. It asks if you remember the 21st night of September and basically explains why that night was so epic. So let's do it. 21st night of September. You have a month to prepare. Make it legendary.
These last few days of summer are the ones I live for. I feel fantastic. I'm probably going to stay up until 2am, hanging out with friends. I am bringing fireworks to shoot off as one last hurrah before school starts.
I suppose I should explain why I haven't slept much. My brother didn't have a good night of racing yesterday. Someone hit him going almost full speed when my brother was totally and completely stopped. Bent the frame, broke our fuel tank. You can't race with a bent frame. Or that broken fuel tank. No. Kinda need one of those. So that means you tear the broken car down and move all the parts to a new frame. It's like those Ford truck commercials where they start with the metal outline of the truck and then add all the parts and the bolts and body? Do all that for a sprint car. The last time it happened, they (being my dad and our crew chief) were out until 7am and went back at 9am. Oh bother.
This time I helped out. I mean, my brother races to keep his points lead today and tomorrow goes to move his stuff in at college and then starts college the day after that. I've been at this for a few years. I know the drill. These days where I don't get much sleep because I have better things to be doing? They're the days I live for. But my brother? He's going to have a lot coming at him in a short period of time. He needs to sleep because his better things are still to come this weekend.
I look at my dad and, even at our crew chief, and I realize I can't keep living like this forever. I see how it affects them. My dad is about ready to collapse. The crew chief, less than 10 years older than I, needs constant caffeine to continue working on the car. But me? Eh, I feel fine. I've saved up a stash of sleep over the summer, it's okay. I don't suffer the way they do.
Maybe that's why I feel obligated to do these sort of things. Maybe that's why I feel like I have to go on all these adventures. I'm in college! My last hurrah before the real world. J and I have a love for the song September by Earth, Wind & Fire. It asks if you remember the 21st night of September and basically explains why that night was so epic. So let's do it. 21st night of September. You have a month to prepare. Make it legendary.
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