Tone and Expression

I don't mind texting and IM and email and Facebook and all that stuff, but boy do I like talking to people face-to-face a lot better. You know that whole 70% of communication is non-verbal thing? I really get it.

About a month ago, a friend was telling me about her co-workers and I picked up that she might like one more than the others. It was something in the way she spoke about the co-worker. It seemed softer compared to how she spoke of the others. Her like for this co-worker was later confirmed. She decided she better not ever try and lie to me b/c I'd figure it out. We tested it. She picked 2 memories from her childhood and made up another and I picked the correct false memory. All three were very common memories - the false one was about a time she fell off her bike. Her voice got tighter when telling this. Her words more neatly formed.

It happens with my best friend too. We video chatted a few weeks ago and I could read her face. Yeah followed by an ellipsis just isn't the same as being able to see how the corners of the mouth turn down and the big sigh that accompanies the breathy yeah. A =/ isn't the same as seeing the look of slight pity and concern that creates wrinkles around the eyes and brow. It happened with my new roommate when I first met her. I mentioned that I have a rabbit and her entire face lit up. Eyes crinkled at the edges. I only asked permission to keep him in the apartment (in my room, in his cage nearly 24/7 b/c he hates the world) as a courtesy after that.

I like noticing these things. It's like hunting for clues and when you find them, you learn more about the person in question. And they will drop the same clues and you can recognize that and anticipate it in the future. Little secrets only you know. That little smirk, the head tilts, the fluctuations in the laugh. You notice how they talk to different people in different tones and how their mood will reflect in their interactions with the same people.

Something about me? When my heart beats faster, regardless of the reason, my eyes dart around a lot. It doesn't matter if it's just because I've exercised or nervous or what. I feel like I have to be more alert. I've tested myself to try and just keep my eyes focused on one thing. Can't. Doesn't work. And maybe this is a pretty common thing, but I don't think so. I asked my best friend what are some mannerisms that are uniquely me. She says it's sometimes hard to tell my emotions because I'm not an extremely expressive person. I say "okay" very monotone and instead of shrugging I will tilt my head to the side and back again while pulling my mouth in the same direction. I think I also shrug when I do that, but it's more subtle than other people.

I think I have a blind spot though. It's with people I am romantically interested in. I must, right? I never know what their body language means. I always second guess. I always assume I'm wrong. It's not just a gender thing, though I do admit I have more difficulty reading male friends than female friends. But say I'm hanging out with a guy friend. We aren't interested in each other. I can read his body language. He doesn't have to tell me how nervous he is about going to a new school or just how much he is looking forward to finally having weekends free to visit friends. I can read it on his face, in the way he sits in his chair. But I around the guy I am interested in? And I can't figure a damn thing out. It wasn't for lack of expressions - he's far more expressive than the one I'm just friends with. It was the fear of reading too much into his tone and expression. I don't want to screw things up by over-thinking, over-observing. I don't think it's working.