Classified Ads

J specifically asked that I do this. I told her no, originally. Here it is.

Wanted: One Criticizing Friend
I have the best friend job filled. The close friends. The distant-dinner/movie friends. The friend I tell secrets to. The friend I don't tell secrets to. I am looking for a friend who will criticize me to no end without worrying about the effect on our friendship.
You are amazing at finding the errors in my ways and have no trouble pointing them out. You are an efficient criticizer, using specific words to describe my faults. You are also available to give advice on how to correct my many wrongs (I'm certain you'll find many, otherwise you're not doing your job). You are not afraid of my initial outbursts of anger in response to your criticisms.
Respond with your first critique of me based on this posting.

Wanted: One Honest Man
I am not looking to have any short-term relationships; I'm husband hunting. I'm SF and if the other letter matters to you please move along. I'm 5'6" and have brown hair and ears that stick out a little too far. I'm blunt and not afraid of anger. However, like many women, I have a 5 second rebound rate, so don't take that anger too seriously. I also have good points. I like (and follow) sports. I'm a good friend, HWP (in both senses), smart, opinionated, and have a super cute smile.
You are my ideal man. 5'10" or taller, dirty blonde hair, piercing eyes. You, above all that appearance fluff, are honest. Brutally honest. Open about your past, your thoughts. You hardly have a thought filter. It's only deployed in the most vital situations. You have strength and confidence to share with me. You love dogs. You have a geeky side, and aren't ashamed of it. You are also HWP (in both senses). You know yourself and can articulate your aspirations.
Those quirks you have? Lay 'em on me.

Wanted: A New Future
I used to dream of a studio apartment in a big city above a Chinese restaurant. Or a coffee shop, if I was dreaming big. It was small and cheap, but decently lit, and it was my own to call home. I would cook meals if I entertained friends, though most nights it was simply frozen dinners in front of the TV. I dreamed of being a sports photographer. I dreamed of living a life alone.
Then I dreamed of a townhome on the outskirts of a decent sized city, forming the border between the city and the suburbs, that allowed pets. Two dogs would keep me, and my SO, company as we cooked dinner together every weeknight, dancing around to music while checking the chicken. I dreamed of being an English teacher, newspaper adviser. I dreamed of living a life with him.
Now, I am compromising. I can be a photojournalist or a teacher. But what to do about the housing? An apartment shared with friends, perhaps? Surely pet friendly, so that one dog could stick with me.
If you happen to know where I might find more information on this future, please let me know. I'd like to hear from it soon.

I know this is a very limited audience I am reaching, but if you feel like crafting a response to any of them, for fun or for real, please go ahead. Either leave it in the comments or email me (link in my full profile). Now, since brevity is surely not the soul of my wit, I'm off to give you all a proper update.