You're Leaving?

That's what everyone says to me when they hear. It doesn't matter if we're good friends or teammates or just a random bunch of people stuck together for a group project.

Then they say what I want to do is great. Which I appreciate. I can hear that they mean it. They respect my decision and don't think I'm someone who can't make up their mind, as I sometimes find myself thinking.

But the first thing they say. You're leaving? How could I leave Mizzou? One of the best journalism programs, probably the best public journalism program. An amazing Japanese program that I've learned to love with all my heart. How could I leave?

It's going to be so difficult. I love my classmates, especially in Japanese related courses. M and C crack me up every lit class. T is a lifesaver on quizzes. Another T keeps the mood light on rough days in language. M is always kind and able to give advice when it comes to journalism. D is a little firecracker. B and D (both Ds actually) are a bit odd, but always willing to fill me in if I miss a class. A and T provide eye candy on dull days and have such enjoyable and friendly personalities that you just want to always hang out with them.

I wonder what I am to them. This girl who isn't so great at the language, but understands the culture and literature fairly well. I'm shy in language, but I don't hesitate to speak up in any other class. I can crack jokes on the spot with C and A about the two people towards the front of the class in lit, but if you put a story in Japanese in front of me it'll take me twice as long as the rest of the class to read it. Despite all this, I feel like I fit in. I know I do. We created a family. I don't know how I'll leave.

And next year...there was so much to look forward to.

I would have many shared classes with B who would be returning from a year in Japan. We only met last semester, but I think we became decent friends. Next year we would both be in Japanese 4!
I would get into my sequence for photojournalism and finally start working for the Missourian!
I would actually matter and find my place on staff.
I would begin to make a name for myself as a sports photographer.
I would take writing and literature classes to start my English minor.
I would finally be getting what I want from college!

...how can I leave that?

I don't even know what I'll be walking into when I go to Ball State. What if they don't have a family? What if I lose mine? I'm not ready to do that.

But am I forgetting the whole reason I want to transfer? I want to teach. I want to be the English teacher I had in 10th grade. I want to challenge every other English teacher I had from 7th grade on. I want to make my Carmel Journalism and Japanese teachers proud I was their student. And if I stay at Mizzou I can't do that.

So...yeah. I guess I'm leaving.