Don't Be Afraid

When I was a photojournalism major, I was afraid of what the future held. I didn't like the thought of competing to take photos of what I wanted. I just wanted to be able to take photos of sports. I didn't want to fight against 10 others to have my photos published. I didn't want to be another name that no one knows, publishing photo after photo for 20 bucks a pop. I feared the competition. I feared that I would not have a job. I feared I would be stuck in a dead-end position until I got married and became a housewife. I feared I would then take up a position at a local housewifey magazine produced by a kept wife in the gated community in whatever suburb my husband and I chose to live. I was afraid.

I am not afraid to teach. I am not afraid of the stiff competition it will take to get into the district I want, into the exact position I want. I am not afraid because I know I have the tools and the drive and the talent and that cannot be taken away from me like my will to be a photographer. They've already tried. My professors have told horror stories about having staplers thrown at their heads and students simply walking out of class and I have seen teachers blow up at their students and lose their cool and lost their jobs and I am not afraid of that happening to me. Because I am above all that. I have the drive and the passion to work with my students and to catch that stapler and set it quietly on my desk and continue with my lesson. I have begun to experience this and I have worked through it and found other means to cope and express my point. I have become frustrated and students have seen that and taken advantage of it, but I regained control. I have the power and the ability to do what I want and I am not afraid to do it. I am not afraid of failing. I know my first year won't be great. But the next year I will be better. And I'll fall into a grove that works, making adjustments for each student, each class, each year.

Students in my classroom will be the students in that video. Students will want to express themselves and I can help them accomplish that. When I watched that video, the first time I listened to their voices. I listened to what they said and I sympathized because I could see myself in their shoes. Then I watched it again. And I saw their teachers and their support system that encouraged them to get to that point. And I saw myself influencing my students to do the same. I saw myself teaching student rhythm and flow and how poetry is just like lyrics.

And if just once every ten years I can have a student with the drive this group of students has, I will be happy. And because there are those students out there, waiting for me to reach out to them, I am not afraid of what my future as an educator holds.

[Published unedited, written in 8 minutes. If you want more from Brave New Voices, just Google it and be amazed.]