Friends-ish?

I was talking to my family about some of the new friends I've made recently. And that got me thinking, how can I really call someone I only met a few weeks, maybe a month, ago my friend? We're friends-ish? But then what about the friends who are close but just not quite close enough to be called good friends? Friends-ish again?

I don't mean to brag (okay, I kinda do), but I'm a really solid friend. I'm not the best friend in the world, but I've got it down. If you need me, I'm there. Want to talk to someone in the middle of the night? Call me up. Need a ride? I have a car. Just want to hang? Sure, I'm free. If you want advice, I can offer it. If you just want a sympathetic ear, well, I've learned how to give that too. But it wasn't always that way.

I used to be pretty unsympathetic. I think it reflects how I expect my friends to act. When I rant to someone, I don't expect them to be all, "Oh, I'm so sorry, that really sucks for you." I expect them to relate to me. I expect them to rant back and then tell me to suck it up and get over whatever petty thing is bothering me. Then I had some pretty bad things happen to me where I just needed sympathy. And I got why people wanted me to be sympathetic.

Still, it bothers me when people won't take action to better themselves. I stand to lose two good friends because of my stance (okay, so we'll still be friends, but we just won't be very close). They both rant to me about what's wrong with their respective lives and I'm sympathetic at first. They want it to change, so I offer suggestions on how to make it change. Then I get criticized for being judgmental. They don't want to take action; they want things to just happen for them. I can't stand this! I can't be sympathetic to people who won't help themselves. I just can't. If you aren't trying to better your situation, I see absolutely no reason to help you.

So they aren't talking to me right now, and it's a little troublesome to me. I want to keep these people as my friends, but I feel like they're being immature. I'm torn between being a good friend and waiting around for them to get over it, or being mean (while also possibly being a better friend) and pushing them further.

All this got me thinking about what I want from my friends. I want them to be there for me when shit hits the fan. I want my friends to invite me to hang out or study together. I want a phone call or email or text when something reminds you of me or to remind me of some inside joke. I don't demand constant contact, but monthly would be nice. I guess what it boils down to is time. I want your time. I want you to take the time to say, hey, I'm thinking of you or hey, I need your help. Clicking the like button on Facebook has too easily become a replacement for the occasional after school email.

I'm guilty of this too, but no more. I pledge to give my friends my time. And if you can't give that in return...well, I'm guess I'm not as close to as many people as I thought. But I think I'm okay with that. I don't want a ton of fluff friends cluttering my inner circle of friends, you know? Get rid of all the friends-ish. Quality over quantity. Ugh, it almost disgusts me to talk about friendships like that. I'm just going to stop before I piss someone off so much that they don't want to be my friend anymore. XD